Friday, April 14, 2017

Couple of don't give a shit days

I have them and I don't like admitting it. I gave up a couple of days with tomfoolery and now back on the wagon. I've even been smoking, which I have to stop right now. So I will.

Fasting was 249 this morning, but post breakfast was 209 after a fairly low carb breakfast. I did have corned beef hash, but only a half cup. That was tough as dog food is amazing. I did the right thing and I'm feeling pretty decent about it. I'll have a light lunch because I ate breakfast so late, and will not stay up late tonight.

I'm going to need all the strength I can muster today. Food - good choices. Smoking - not an option.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Doing it right

Tried a different snack last night - apple and cheese. FBS was 142. Holy cow! Two days in a row of acceptable (for me) fastings!

There is an odd side effect of blood sugars in control - boundless energy. It's bizarre and it's like a full body rush. I'm hoping this calms some over time as my body becomes used to a lower blood sugar. I know my eyes will go blurry for a little while during the blood sugar lowering period; they always do. It's like the opposite of high blood sugars causing blurry vision. Yep, I'm lucky like that.

I have plans to eat well today and test often. I can't be cocky and say I have this in the bag, but it's pretty obvious that proper eating is making a huge difference. Low carb, for the most part, and high protein. I'm not worrying about fats as they help level things out a bit.

11:30 p.m. Binged. For Christ's sake. I binged. It wasn't 100% awful, but the fact that I did it was 100% awful. Pumpernickel toast and leftover (not a full pint!) of Pralines and Cream ice cream, and 6 mini Peppermint Patty candies. Shit, shit, shit. I wasn't even going to write it down, but I did it and I have to own it and maybe I need to even process this stupidity to avoid doing it again.

I'm curious now what the fasting will be after a day of semi perfection.

I fucking binged.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Small victory

This is applying myself will do. Look at today's fasting! 113. What has changed? High protein, high vegetable content, and fairly low carb. Well, really low carb. Awareness of every damned carb that goes in my mouth. And, an evening snack of peanut butter on potato bread. I know that sounds weird, but potato bread doesn't mess with my overnight numbers, as I'm slowly proving to myself. Until I'm sick of it, I will continue to try that as a snack to keep my liver and pancreas happy overnight. The mystery continues to unravel as to what works and what doesn't work for me. I'm going to try yesterday's breakfast but with a different type of bread and see if it makes a difference. Dr. K asked that I keep my late night meal as the lowest carb meal of the day. That doesn't allow me to go nuts during the day, though!

2:40 p.m. Dammit, I had a low while I was out shopping.  I did check my BS before I left, but I guess I was gone too long. I looked for the least offensive candy bar I could find and got a small Hershey with Almonds. It did the trick, but my BS before lunch was 217. The power of sugar. Sigh. The war continues.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Battles along the way

I got up at 3:45 this morning to respond to Mother Nature and again, decided to take my middle of the night blood sugar - 115! How amazing is that? I had a piece of bread with peanut butter as my snack last night. Nice balance of carbs and protein and maybe enough to keep my blood sugar/liver from going nuts. One battle acceptably handled. Let's see if it continues.

Fasting this morning was 150. That was 5 hours after the 115 and no intake at all. Do I have overnight syndrome or what?
I didn't have time for breakfast this morning, so am having brunch today. We'll see how the numbers flow. Insulin, glimiperide, and Metformin on board. Sigh, so many meds! I'm still on the higher dose of glimip. I'll keep with it until the sugar is down over a period of time. Now we wait for the after brunch rise and my experiment of potato or rye bread in terms of rise in sugar.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

This is war

Yep, I'm officially at war with my type 2 diabetes.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in my very early 20s. My mother had diabetes. I believe one of her parents had it. A sister had gestational diabetes. At around 40, I was diagnosed with the insulin resistance that goes along with PCOS and prediabetes. And now, 20 years later, my type 2 diabetes, diagnosed maybe 15 years ago, my diabetes has become an asshole. And it's time to take it down.

It's like this cunning little critter moved in with me and sat quietly, rubbing its hands together while going through its evil snicker routine, and waited until now to say "fuck you, Donna!" My T2 is here and I have to deal with it.

This guy calls it "diabesity" and is dealing with it on his own terms. I want to read more of what he has to say for sure. But he reminded me it's war. Truly time to be on the offensive AND defensive.
Yesterday, I brought to you the middle of the night gobsmacker of a blood sugar. Over the day, I brought it down with proper eating and medication. Then before bed last night, my BS was up again with no food for 4 hours. And WTF? I wake up with a 294? I know I have overnight syndrome stuff happening, but am not sure how to deal with it. Slowly again today, the number is coming down rather than going up, which means I'm doing something right today, but I need to identify the overnight enemy and put the kibosh on that sucker.

This is war, folks. Yesterday, I was not happy and kind of down in the mouth. Today, I'm pissed.


Image Credit

FBSs suck

Not sure why, but my fasting blood sugar was 294 this morning at 8:30 a.m. (Post breakfast was 284, so that's good.) Last night at 9 p.m., I had some saltines and peanut butter and then later, had 2 deviled egg halves. I went to bed at 1, so there were 4 hours between the saltines and bedtime. And, the carbs for the snacks added to 30. Though paired with the two proteins, the carbs apparently took precedence. I did not get up in the middle of the night to take a random BS reading, but maybe that's not a bad idea. I can get back to sleep easily, and it will give me a better read on what's working and what's not. Maybe it will take a couple days to get over the 503 overnight reading a day ago?

On the planning side, I cleaned out the kitchen freezer and will aim for the garage freezer later today. I'm cooking chicken tenders for quick grab snacking.

Yep, another day, diabetes has me, but I'm tough, I'll have it before you know it.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Miserable numbers, better day

Lucky German shepherd owner that I am, I got up at 3 a.m. to go outside. I figured that since I was up, it might be fun to see a middle of the night blood sugar. Boy, was I wrong.
503! My endocrinologist had said that my middle of the night sugars were probably high because of my snack and high carb dinner habits. I had no idea it was that high. I watched My 600 Pound Life a couple days ago. The subject of the show was 700+ pounds and addicted to pain killers, and in severe denial. The doctors gave him chance after chance after chance to no avail. The main doctor of the show, Dr. Now, took this guy into a room with a full length mirror and had him look at himself. He was a mess - hair all askew, belly hanging to his knees, legs that were huge with lymphedema, and he hadn't seen himself in forever. It was the thing that woke him from his denial coma, at least for that moment.

I feel like I just had that moment. I read about diabetic coma this morning and now realize that if I had gone into the 600s while sleeping, no one would know. The fasting BS this morning wasn't great, but it was a fair distance from the 503. 503! I've totally been gobsmacked, as I mentioned in my spreadsheet entry from this morning. I'm still processing how I could have allowed it to get this bad.

Diabetes. For me, I don't feel it. I do feel lows and they're miserable. Lows are caused by the medication that I take and I keep wanting to lower that medication, but I have a disease. Yes, I'm admitting I have a disease. And I need medication for it. Part of that package is avoiding lows by scheduling proper eating during the day, adjusting carb intake to match up with the action of the medication. This is my mission for the upcoming days.

To that end, my plan is to have a very low carb breakfast, dinner, and evening snack (if I have one), and if I have extra carbs, they will be at lunchtime or afternoon snack to stay in sync with the medication. I will test before and after meals to detect patterns and then put that knowledge to use.

I had bad knees and had them replaced. Pretty much action A causing reaction B. Diabetes might be even more important than that. I have some processing to do and acceptance and stop this denial shit.

Breakfast was right on target. My post breakfast BS was 12 points lower than the pre breakfast. Eggs, cheese, asparagus, and bacon. The most carbs were in the asparagus! Anyway, even one meal makes a difference.

I may post meals for a while to, again, detect patterns and provide some accountability to myself. This is going to be a lifetime change combining medication, paleo, LCHF, and good sense when it comes to carbs.

Lunch wasn't very exciting, but it was okay. SF Jello, cottage cheese, and less than half an apple cubed. Had a half of Premier Protein bar. I really need to overhaul my pantry for sure. I thought I had Atkins bars, but I don't. I may lay off bars completely. We'll see.
Numbers are improving as the day goes on. The blue column is average. It will take all day to recover from the 3 a.m. I'll get it down today and keep it down overnight. Wish me luck.

No picture for dinner, but it included fried cabbage and onions, a little bit of pasta, and a couple deviled eggs. I'll decide later whether I want a snack or not. And for the record, I was at 180 after lunch, so my plan is going to work. It will take a couple days to truly normalize those numbers.

Friday, April 7, 2017

Day -2 of hard core

Today is keeping track of blood sugars while I eat well. I may end up not eating so well due to the amount of junk in the house, but I'm counting every calorie, carb, and protein, as well as checking BS after meals.

Tomorrow will be even closer to the goal of LCHF. Sunday is day 1 and I'm ready to go.

Next step, checking after lunch sugar. I expect it to be a bit high due to eating out, but it will go down due to my increasing glimiperide. Up to 3 mg for now.

And on we go.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Diabetes in the front seat

HgbA1c 9.6

Way too high.

Low carb/high fat, lowest carb meal at dinner. Test before and after meals. Low carb snack at night if any snack at all. Increase glimiperide, which sucks because I have to be more intensely aware of intake - what and when. See trends. Continue what works.

Here we go.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Whole30 Round 3, Day 3

Not a lot of details for today because I'm setting up a new computer. But foods were great and blood sugars were even greater. I did indeed email with my endocrinologist and am discontinuing the glimiperide at least until the W30 is over. That will avoid any low blood sugars caused by the high protein/high fat/low carb characteristics of W30. If blood sugars rise, I'll go back on in it a step-wise fashion from 0.5 mg up to the 1 mg I was taking.

I went to orientation in the weight/machine room at the YMCA today. We focused on upper body and then I spent some time on the BioStep. I was pretty dazzled by the shiny objects and figure if it makes me move, then I shall move. I'll do part 2 tomorrow.

And day 3 is in the bag.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Whole30 Round 3, Day 2

Holy cow, my fasting blood sugar was 137. That's over 100 points down from yesterday. In one day, my sugars are already coming down overall. It was 145 after breakfast and after exercise.

Breakfast was meh. Leftovers and eggs. Potatoes/onions along with some pancetta and eggs tossed in. The asparagus are canned, which I do love, but they weren't amazing this morning. It fueled me, but it didn't excite me. 

Now lunch is a different story. Baby organic lettuces, egg salad (2 eggs), pumpkin seeds, and olives, and a side of strawberries. Oh yeah, that's better. My blood sugar after lunch should be okay.

With low blood sugars, I needed another trip to the store for bananas and apples. I'm not ready to cut back on my meds yet, but in a few days, I'll be in touch with the endo with new numbers and will most likely not have to carb up with fruit to keep levels in order. 

Dinner was pretty damned good. I had a beef filet and cooked mushrooms, green beans, and onions in the same pan with some ghee. The green stuff is guacamole that is compliant. It was great and very filling. BS after dinner was 110. 

I used the thinnest blade on the mandoline and sliced up some zucchini, seasoned them, and baked on parchment for an hour or so at a low heat (about 250°). Some of them are actually crispy! A little heavy on the paprika, but every time I make something like this, it's a trial.

The breakdown looks good today. I'm still working on bumping up the protein. The carbs include banana, apple, and strawberries, and that is reflected in the sugar as well. When I lower the diabetes meds, I'll also cut back on the fruit intake, but right now, I need it to not crash. 

Overall, a good day 2. I've had 4 cigarettes, so still struggling on the quit smoking front, but getting there!

Monday, February 13, 2017

Whole30 Round 3 Day 1

I'm feeling pretty good about deciding to do a Whole30. The larder is stocked and there's no reason to sway from the rules. The sugar addiction will start to fade after a few days, but I suspect it will be a small issue for the first little bit. Adding quitting smoking to the mix is going to be interesting, but I have prepped on that point too. Taking my life back.

A little breakfast. I discovered I like grape/cherry tomatoes at a Superbowl party, so I have a tub of those to enjoy. Winnie left me a half an apple, so onto the plate it went. Two fried eggs seasoned with a touch of nutritional yeast, and I was good to go. Loving eggs is going to be a challenge too, but not one I can't face head on. I've sort of OD'd on them over the past several years. This morning is Moral Mondays, so I'll be busy with that. I have a few errands to run and then work time. 

1:30 p.m. Lunch. Applegate hot dog (compliant), and a melange of cabbage, onions, garlic, and potato sauteed in bacon fat. Holy cow, it's good. Did Moral Mondays and came home hungry. BS is a little high before lunch, but I'm sure that's because of a high fasting, which I did not take. That will level out in a day or two. Strawberries on tap for snack later. 

Okay, shoot me. I had potatoes twice today. This time, they were with canned asparagus and a burger ground from the loin I purchased the other day. The sauce is Tessamae's Caesar dressing and well, it was darned tasty. I will absolutely buy it again. It's 100% compliant and well, there ya go. Thank you once again Tessamae's

My Fitness Pal breaks down today's intake and I'm liking what I see. I need to up the protein, but did cook up some chicken today so I have extra around. (I will miss cheese for this, but oh well.) The sugar being down is way great. My blood sugars are telling the tale too. I am sort of surprised at the calories taken in, but am not focusing on them right now. 

On another note:
I'm not smoking :) Cinnamon sticks (organic, of course, from McCormick) help a lot. I've got this!

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Whole30 Round 3 begins tomorrow

Time for a reset and dose of serious ownership of my diabetes via food. I have already started exercising again, now for step 2.

In addition, tomorrow happens to be my quit smoking date. That will be a bigger challenge than a Whole30.

I've been prepping for both for a couple weeks. Groceries are bought, cinnamon sticks are on my desk, and I even have Xanax if I feel like killing someone. I'll keep that as a last resort, though.

The first part of the upcoming week is very busy, beginning with a production meeting for On Golden Pond tonight and quickly followed by Moral Mondays and three days of exercise classes.

It's going to be a good week. I'm scared and yet looking forward to the changes. I just need to make the commitment and do it.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Superbowl Blood Sugar Day

Holy crow. My fasting blood sugar was 341. That's not good. No wonder I feel like a sluggish pig. Sigh. Now to beat it back down the rest of the day.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Words of wisdom

I received this in email today and it's perfect timing. I'm still committed, though not obsessed, but guess what? I'm bumping it up a notch back to obsession. Read this:

There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses - only results. -Ken Blanchard
Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you. -Unknown
Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dream closer. -Marcia Wieder.
Commitment is the glue that bonds you to your Goals. -Jill Koenig. 

It spoke to me.  The middle piece in particular.

I've restarted exercise classes and watch what I eat like a hawk most days. I've had a couple of evenings when I've overeaten in terms of snacking. I continue to work on the draw of the pantry and frig. Mindfulness is not a part time job for sure. 

I am not checking my blood sugars as often as I should, but that's corrected today. I can pretend the numbers don't count, but they do. 

Blogging is going to be important for me. I know this and now that I've written it down, I am recommitted to it.

Wednesday it is!

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Keeping it going

Obsession day 2. Obsession can be read as mindfulness or motivated or whatever, but it is, so far, a success. My fasting blood sugar this morning was down almost 100 points at 153.



My daughter wrote me a heart-felt email asking if I had a quit date for smoking again. I replied to her that in the back of my mind, I do. I tried to explain that diabetes was my first task right now, but I felt like I was rationalizing. It's the truth, but it felt false coming out of my head and onto the screen. I need to think on this one. I do want to quit. I honestly am not sure this is the right time, but what is the right time? She has planted the seed. I will take action. I now need to decide when that action will be taken.


My walking papers for today include keeping my blood sugar in line. I made French toast for breakfast with extra egg and coconut milk, and homemade bread. I also had last night's left over mushrooms. it was an odd taste combination, but it worked! I will either have a Progresso soup or tuna with lettuce again today for lunch. Tonight, I'm planning a shrimp dinner and will bulk up with broccoli.

As related to last night, I made it through that hour of alone time. It's hard when all is quiet and I'm alone. I have such a life-long habit of staying up late and eating till bedtime. I've been generally going to bed earlier, so that's a start.

On with the day.

Update 1:10 p.m.: I made a couple decisions and acted on them. I joined the Y this morning and also signed up for smoking cessation class starting in February. I also made a banging lunch of left over chicken soup (without the chicken), a sautéed chicken breast (put back into the soup!), and a banana. So many vegetables and so much taste! Jealous? Hell, I'm jealous and I'm eating it!


Update 8:18 p.m.: Stressful last hour, but it's okay. I'm past it. My blood sugar was 117 after dinner. Hoofuckinray! It's a little low for me, so I had one of my snacks for the evening now and that should balance things out. I incorporated a cup of orange juice earlier to keep from crashing. Now to find the balance where the blood sugar is in line and my reaction to a lower blood sugar normalizes. I'm very happy with the numbers the past two days and that pretty amazing. I will start the water walking class on Thursday. I may or may not go by the pool just to float around tomorrow. Richard had a point about not starting right out with Zumba, but I will do something activity wise tomorrow. I just don't have a plan yet.

It's been a good day for health. My obsession continues.

Artwork credit blood sugar
Artwork credit smoking

Monday, January 16, 2017

Can we obsess?

Most people are trying to break free from an obsession. Not me.

I'm working on maintaining an obsession for self-care/good health. Today's one goal is to maintain a positive attitude and relieve myself of "can't."

I talk Zen and mindfulness. Today, I put it into action. Today, we work on breaking free from a bizarre mindset. I got this.

Update 11:30 a.m.: Post breakfast blood sugar was 324. That came after a 51-carb breakfast. I did pair protein with the carbs, but this wasn't my best effort. I'm incorporating herbal tea into my day and that is my treat before lunch. I'm planning tuna salad, shredded lettuce, tomato, and probably an apple for lunch. That should bring a better post meal number. I'll continue the self-talk today as well. I think this is helping with staying on course.

Update 12:50 p.m.: Lunch was indeed tuna, shredded lettuce, and a black pepper cracker thing. I'm having a large glass of water to go with. I happen to use organic mayo and relish, but the mustard is French's. I've been doing some reading about blood sugar spikes as I work, and will continue to obsess for the remainder of the afternoon.

Dinner is planned - burgers on English muffins. I'll make a veggie side for myself and I already have cheese and avocado set out to go on the burger. I also have been looking at Dr. Bernstein's information and ordered an e-book. A gal can't learn too much, right?

Update 7:11 p.m.: I should have taken a picture of dinner. Carrots, mushrooms, onions, swiss cheese on a burger, and avocado. I put a tiny splash of wine in the onions and mushrooms while they sautéed in ghee. Winnie grilled the burgers and they were amazing. I couldn't finish mine, but that's why I have a German shepherd, right?

Snack is planned. I am under calories by a few and have maintained the "obsession" through now. I picked up a few fruits and some nut snacks so I can make good choices.

From now until bedtime will be the most difficult period of the day for me. I know this is my challenge time and I believe I can face it head on for today.

What I have left to do - work till 10, do my eyedrops, read, snack (planned), and sleep.

See you tomorrow.

Update 10:16 p.m.: I am now alone in the downstairs. The pantry is across from me. The bowl I had my popcorn snack in, though empty, sits next to me. The box in which the popcorn snack came in lives in the pantry. I will spend the next 43 minutes literally convincing myself why it's either okay or not okay to get more of the popcorn snack. Argh. Like I said, this is the worst time of day for me, but confessing it in writing will keep me from getting up, crossing the room, and opening the pantry.

I remember a phrase, and I've used it before, "the lion will be fed again." The lion, by the way, doesn't struggle with an urge to grab junk food for no reason other than to eat it. I'm a Leo. You'd think I would know that.

You may ask what being alone has to do with anything. No one would know. No one would see. Here's where I say that I am someone and I would know and I would see. I need to read that again tomorrow.



Artwork credit breakthrough
Artwork credit roller coaster

Sunday, January 15, 2017

From Oz

My new obsession. Taking care of me. I wonder if I can do that. A little shred of doubt takes it out of obsession mode and into failure mode. So think about it. My new obsession.

The wheelchair-bound fellow on Oz said his new obsession was not doing drugs. And yet, in this episode, he did drugs. Has he failed in his goal of remaining drug-free?

And off I go.