Friday, July 31, 2015

Up not as much last night

I slept for 1 to 2-hour stretches. That's more than I have slept in a very long time. Without getting too gross, there were big blood clots passing. This was after the not peeing every 10 minutes last night!

This morning, several hours after the last dose of ibuprofen, I am at about every 15, lengthening to every half hour. Real progress is wonderful.

Again, without being too gross, I dab instead of wiping because I'm going through a roll of toilet paper a day and don't want all that irritation.

I feel like a big girl today! I guess I can cancel my plans of buying adult diapers to fly on the 18th. Hah!

Thursday, July 30, 2015

An hour is a beautiful thing

Richard decided to go to the doctor with me. I did my specimen and then the nurse did an emptying test. She came back about 10 minutes later with a bag and said "He'd like  you to try Vesicare for a couple weeks." I told her I had already tried that. Then I realized that she was also telling me nonverbally that this was it. I asked if I was seeing the doctor and she said this was a nurse visit. I told her no, I was called and told to come in at 3 to "see him." She made a "well okay then" face and left the room.

After a bit, Dr Burgess breezed in and asked what the Sam Hill was up with me and that he had never seen this before. He went into how people with gigantic tumors don't have this much trouble. He went over some options and mentioned cystoscopy and I said I was wondering about that. He looked at me and said, "That is not your decision to make." What? Anyway, we went on to talking about potential inflammation and possible allergic reaction to the mitomycin they instilled after surgery. He suggested high dose ibuprofen and Benadryl. We talked about pain medications and Richard brought up the fact that they make me feel better and I said I was keeping ahead of the pain on urination. He said that the feeling better was not a reason to take narcotics and suggested Valium. I said no, I had plenty of things to relax me. Then he went on to say that narcotics do not help bladder pain. Well, he's wrong, but that's okay. I really don't need them. We arranged for a cystoscopy on Monday morning.

I took the ibu when I got home and Richard went to get the Benadryl because I couldn't take a trip to the store. After dinner, I fell asleep while Richard watched the news. He said I slept for 45 minutes. Later, I went at least 45 minutes and didn't pee. Then I went for an hour!

Could it be as simple as ibuprofen all this time? Inflammation is my problem? Motherfucker. I'm so frickin excited I could cry. Ah maze ing.

I have hope.

I may sleep tonight.

I may pee like a regular person tomorrow!

Things are not going well

Last night up every 15 minutes to a half hour.
So far today, going pee about every 5 minutes, but sometimes less.

I called the doc and they want me to come in at 3. Richard's going with me. He's so pissed and frustrated. This can't possibly be normal healing.


I'm  fucking mess.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Same as it ever was

No real change here. I had one non-orgasmic pee today and I chalk that up as a good thing. I'm doing hot and cold compresses on the nether regions once a day because there's a bit of soreness involved. Sorry if that's TMI. I still go every 5-15 minutes during the day and 1/2-hour to an hour at night. I'd kill for one night's sleep. Percocet or Tylenol take care of the irritated feeling briefly, and I'll take one or the other until I feel better.

I wondered today - what if Dr. Burgess really messed me up down there and this doesn't go away? I am trying not to dwell on that, though. They keep telling me it will get better.

Riverside wants to talk to me about the postoperative pain episode I had. I've agreed to talk. The hope is that no one has to ever go through that again. Thankfully, I've kept notes here and can "remember" clearly.

Being tethered to the house is not my idea of a grand time, but I'm making it work and maintaining a pretty decent mood about it. Yesterday, I had a hard time carrying on a cohesive conversation in person due to the sleep deficiency. In writing, I could backspace and make it all clear.

I know this isn't forever. Doesn't make it any less annoying.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Time out for some smiling

First the medical crap. The doctor's office got back to me after several hours; I had called right after they opened in case they wanted me to come in. The current score is every 15 minutes during the day and every half hour to an hour at night. They asked me to come by and pick up some Myrbetriq, another overactive bladder drug. I'm game. They promised that these issues I'm having will go away. We made a plan that if I'm not better in two weeks, I'll call again. Not much else I can do. The culture came back clean, so it isn't the raging infection I was hoping. Okay, no one hopes that, but it meant antibiotics would calm down the frequency, urgency, and orgasmatron pees.

Yesterday, Ronnie came by. We visited for a good while and he went out with a friend. While he was here, the florist delivered a really cool arrangement that Allison said was the Zen Bouquet. Isn't that cool that she is in tune to me so much that she knew anything zen would make me happy. Tears. Good ones. Then Tom came over with Cheese Shop goodies and some candy from the store at Merchants Square. He stayed for a good while and then headed home. Ronnie was going to stay with him and they ended up going to the movies.

Adam's wife called me at about 10:30 and gave me a big bit of grief for not telling her about the cancer or the surgery. She was very upset, tears upset. There was a lot of "I love you and care about you" talk and I was taken aback. We had a nice talk and I reassured her that I was doing fine, but that I'm tethered to the house for now. In the end, she told me she is going to Busch with the kids and Stefanie on August 5. I invited myself and it was a happy call after all. I told her I'd talk to Tom about discount tickets.

Today, the day of the cookout that I couldn't attend!, Mike and family stopped in to pick up my contributions to the cookout - burgers, hot dogs, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese, and rolls. The whole idea was that Stefanie's daughter and I were arranging a housewarming for Stefanie. That blossomed into a birthday thing for me and a happy marriage to Adam and Sandy. I gave Stefanie a head's up earlier in the week that I might not make it and explained why. I really didn't want to be a disappointment. I then called her again Friday and we talked for a long, long time about everything and anything. Back to the day. Mike, et al, left and headed to Virginia Beach. Ronnie and Tom were on their way too. Everyone had a great time and as it turns out, Sandy talked to Tom, and he's getting 5 tickets for them for BG! He said, "Mom, they're family."

And that leads to my tears for today. It makes me so happy that our generation of the family has kids that know that they have family and that we're solid with each other. Mission accomplished.

Oh, Sandy and Stefanie and I are going to get massages when I'm healed. I don't think it'll be that much longer.

Ronnie stopped by on his way home to MD and had Elijah with him. He has grown so much! Ronnie has been there for him since he was born and even now that Elijah is almost 15, he still spends some of the summer with him.

It's been a great birthday. I still can't conceive the number 60 as my age. I know my bladder is that old, though. :)

Friday, July 24, 2015

Nucking futz

That would be me. Every 5-10 minutes while I'm awake and every hour or less when I'm trying to sleep. I'm officially spent. Hell, if they want to put in a catheter for a while, I don't even care. At least I would be a functional human being, which I am not right now.

Moan, groan, bitch and complain.

Edited to add notes made on an text document:


Called at 8:05 asking for medication or to be seen, saying maybe someone else could see me if Dr. Burgess was not available. Spoke to Nadine. She tried to find Debbie, but she was in with a patient. Nadine said she'd send a message to Debbie "with a flag." Nothing yet. I called early on purpose. I'm wondering if they just don't care.

10 a.m. - nothing.

11:15 a.m. - nothing. Good thing I called early, huh?

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Exhausted take 2

I called the doctor again to see if there was any word. They said it would take till Monday to get any results from the culture.

I have antibiotics here that I take when I go to the dentist, related to my knee replacements. I decided to say fuckit and start taking them right now. If the urgency/frequency is related to an infection, maybe this till give me a head start and I can to to "my" birthday party Saturday. If the urgency/frequency is not related to an infection, no harm done.

I need some fucking sleep.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015


Today is a complaining day. Kind of like a losing things day, but with complaints.

I'm so frikin tired of being tired. I want sleep. I do sleep, but it's in 1-hour spurts. Speaking of spurts, that's what wakes me up. Gotta pee. All the damned time. I'm sick of it. The orgasmic feeling is kind of still there, though not as intense. It's at the end of the stream instead of through all of it and the residual for 5-10 minutes after.

Sigh. This is just gross.

I called Dr. Burgess' office and they asked me to come in a pee in a cup, so I did. They might have done that to appease me. I want to go to my own birthday/Stef's housewarming/Adam & Sandy's got married party on Saturday. Right now, I am not sure that's going to happen. How do I drive an hour+ with an every 5-10 minute pee schedule? Grumble. It's my bladder and it was my cancer, but damn. This sucks.

I'm sure I've used that graphic before, but there you go. I'm using it again. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Drip drip drip

This urgency and frequency is driving me nuts. Maybe I need a toilet with food, drink, and laptop like this guy?

Kvetch time :

  • I go every 10-30 minutes. That means if I go to a store, I better be sure I know where the bathroom is. 
  • I get up about hourly at night. That means I'm not getting a decent night's sleep and haven't for weeks. 
  • I had that weird super orgasm feeling every time I peed, but that is not nearly as severe as it was, though it's still there.
  • I've been on VESIcare for one week and the doctor said to call in two weeks if this mess keeps up.
  • Healing from this fucking surgery is pissing me off.
  • I'm drinking water all day long. Guess what that makes you do? Right. MORE PEE!
  • Who knew bladder healing would take so long?
I know I should be grateful for the absence of cancer and the technology that allowed it to be found early. I actually am grateful. I'm just sick a'peein.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Okay meds, do your thing

Since June 10, I haven't been myself. That's the day I was gob smacked with the diagnosis of bladder cancer. Half of me was like "WTF?" and the other half of me was like "this is no big deal." At any rate, June 18, I had the TURBT. Piece of cake. Well, it was a piece of cake for a couple days at least.

I had the odd pain episode and then things seemed to calm down a bit until the tingles began, which is where I am now. On calling the doctor yesterday, he said it was normal healing. A friend of mine suggested that nerves are healing and I'm sure that's what's going on. When I re-called the office to let them know of the frequency issue, they called me and told me they'd leave a prescription of VESIcare for me to pick up, two weeks' worth of samples to be exact. The nurse also told me that all the things I'm experiencing can take 8-10 weeks to dissipate. I know they can't tell you everything that might happen, but a patient education booklet would have been really nice to have been given. Any head's up on this stuff, you know?

I took one as soon as I left their office and picked up my bag of goodies. Now I wait.

On a side note, I didn't have much in the way of work this morning and didn't want to sit around drinking coffee since that is a bladder irritant, so I looked at the clock and decided to go to the pool. I went to the earlier class and I made it about 50 minutes before I had to get out and realllllly hit the potty. Grown woman calling it the potty. Pitiful. It was just what the doctor ordered. Even with the tingly mess, I feel like I've overcome a huge hump and this recuperation thing can start to settle down.

A lot of people knew why I had been out, so I spent a little time explaining that I'm okay and stuff, but it was nice to be around my pals. One lady said she was going to call, but didn't want to be nosy. I told her friends were allowed to call :)  We both smiled.

I did make a quick trip to pick up vegetables at Food Lion and had to hit the loo while I was there. Wish me luck on this frequency thing! Heal little nerve endings, heal!


And don't want to be. Is there sleep in store for this old gal?

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Un progress

I'm not going to go into heavy details, but I did call the uro today about a sensation I'm having when I pee and the fact that I'm still getting up 3-4 times a night, not to mention needing to go all day. I'm good for maybe 2 hours when I go anywhere, but then I have to find a bathroom lickety split.

Two days ago, there was a bit of blood in the urine.

Today, a couple blobs in the toilet.

Making notes so I know what to tell the doctor if I have to go back. He says it's normal healing. I say that's fucked up, but I will be patient for two weeks, which is what they said - call in two weeks if it's still a problem.

In the meantime, I'm going nuts. I took a sleeping pill last night and was able to go right back to sleep after getting up three times. Sheesh. I guess I'll take them for a couple weeks.

Friday, July 10, 2015

S! F! P!

Blood in my pee today. What the hell?

I no longer have pain, but I do have a tingle when I go. It's lessening, but not gone. Am I still having spasms?

This is severely fucked up.

I'll do a watch and see and if it's still happening Monday, will call the lovely Uro people. I wonder if they messed things up forever? Argh. Keeping optimistic.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Happy 4th now that it's almost the 5th

We've had a quiet day here in Croaker.

I made these:

They're Brazilian cheese rolls like you get at those Brazilian steak houses. It was my first attempt. The flavor was amazing and both Richard and Abbey loved them. I will absolutely try them again. I've never used tapioca flour before. 

On the bladder thingie front, there are still weird tingles and frequency. I'm ready for this part to be over. I have an appointment with Dr. H on Monday. I wanted to reschedule, but I waited too long. I didn't have my blood work done either. Do I suck or what? We'll have a little $40 chat and then I'll make sure to get the blood work done next time. Too many doctors to keep up with these days. That's what a little cancer and diabetes will do for you.

I watched Yankee Doodle Dandy tonight. I can't count the number of times I've seen it and, to tell the truth, I'll watch it again next year. I always tear up at the end when he's walking with the soldiers singing, "Over There." I love the gentle tone of the film and appreciate what long takes entail versus today's fast moving, quick cutting movies. Good job everyone. 

The across-the-street-guy shot off fireworks around 10, so we went on the back deck to watch for a bit. 

I gifted Richard with a plate of CheezIts with a candle in the middle and told him it was his firecrackers. He didn't guffaw, but I think he got a chuckle out of it. 

Blood sugars, by the way, are coming into range again. I made the decision to eat better starting today and did a pretty good job. Tomorrow, I continue learning to ride my bike.

Exercise: Leg, knee, and hip work standing on the deck. Lifting hand weights in several directions. 

Weight training of any kind can up your metabolism some. Anything is a good thing. 

It has been a good day in Croaker. Oh yes, it has. 

Ride that bike

When my son was younger, we were in the back yard and he said, "Today, I'm going to learn to ride my bike." And he did. 

Today, I am going to learn to ride my bike.

I'm close to fully recovered from the bladder incident (notice how I said incident instead of cancer), and am feeling pretty derned good. My energy level is coming up. The frequency of bathroom trips is still there, but it's not a big deal. Two to three weeks is what I was told, and it's been two weeks.

But today, I start again to work very hard at keeping my diabetes under control and getting my weight back under control. I have not gained weight, but I want to lose some. Weight and diabetes are related, as is the general health of my new knees. 

I'm declaring independence from fat. Today, I'm going to learn to ride my bike.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Ode to the old man

I just wanted to say that Richard is amazing. He has always been the greatest coparent a person could ever ask for. He did at least as much getting up in the middle of the night with the kids as I did, and it blossomed from there.

Our marriage was kind of wack for a while, so we shut it down. But about 5 years later, we fell in love and started courting, ended up living together, and then a year after that, we remarried.

We're a bit older now and a few health things have smacked us both upside the head a few times. When I had my first knee replacement, he was right there with me and between him and my son, Tom, I was completely taken care of. The second knee, same thing. He was always available.

I've done the same for him when he needed, and wouldn't have changed a thing. He came first and still does.

Recently with the cancer diagnosis, surgery, and horrific after effects a few days later, he did it again. He felt my pain along with me, went shopping for soft foods for me, and always made sure I had a glass of water to keep me going.

I have been very fortunate. There are times when he drives me batshit crazy (and me him), but they are rare. He holds me up. I hold him up. We eschew a lot of the crazy crap that goes on in the world in favor of hanging in the back yard with the dog. We're aging very simply and I think we're both very grateful that we had the good sense to get back together.

I am where I was going.

I have love and give love.

What more could a woman ask for?

Yep, I love that man.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Cancer be gone

They got it all and now the after effects hang with me for a short while. Still weird tingles when I go and not 100% back to full energy. It's coming!

Today, though, it's all about the needle and thread. I feel like finishing some sewing projects so I can start more.

I added cranberry supplements to my growing list of vitamins I take now. What can it hurt?