Sunday, June 28, 2015

No post is good post

It's been a quiet pain-free day here in the suburbs of Croaker. My mood is a bit wonky, but I'm okay with that. I've worked hard to maintain sanity this week and today my brain said "FU, I'm out." I 'spect that'll be over with in another day. But the news of the day is what a difference a week makes!

So, my new theory is that I had cancer. I don't have it. Down and dirty. Quick and easy.

More when my brain has re-engaged with my better mood self.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Rising from cancer's ashes

Be gone, tumor. History. Out of my life and soon to be out of my head. You brought me more angst and pain than I've ever experienced, and that's saying a lot.

The update - I slept almost through the night and did a 5-hour stretch from 5 to 10 this morning. Amazing. The pain is almost gone. If I had to give it a number, it would be a 1 out of 10. I suspect that will be almost a zero tomorrow. My energy is returning and I'm feeling a whole lot more like me. All is majorly well.

I shall leave you with this today.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Beautiful pathology

The pathology report shows that the tumor is all gone and there was no muscular invasion by the stem. These are good things, and this news was given to me after I had my chance to air my grievances about Monday's pain debacle. The pain was explained as bladder spasm. When I asked more questions, he said the pain could be as bad as giving birth. In my mind, I nodded. It was a good conversation, but I did feel that he heard what I had to say and was a bit surprised when I said I felt they dropped the ball.

Looking back, if he knew it was bladder spasm and not infection, then the doctor covering for him should know the same. Therefore, there should have been a modicum of assistance provided when I was in need. But I digress.

I will have three-month cystoscopies for a year or so and then back down on the frequency. That's about what I expected.

He told me to back off of acidic foods like coffee and soda. I'll do some research on higher alkaline options. I'd like to keep the bladder happy from now on, you know?

He suggested taking the pain meds a couple more nights and that things should start calming down soon.

I'm still in a bit of a doldrums period. I'm certain this will pass. I'm positive it will.

My cancer was removed. Let's keep 'please don't recur' thoughts going. Now I shall take a pill and sit here without the achy mess that has become my nether regions.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Random thoughts or maybe not so random

Tomorrow is my follow up appointment with the urologist, one week and a day out from the bladder cancer surgery. I'm a tiny bit anxious, but not to the degree that I was after diagnosis and just before surgery. Whatever the results of the pathology, tomorrow is the beginning of what's next.

The first report, 48 hours, of the urine culture came back "no growth." That was a surprise to me. I'll continue the antibiotics until they are done.

I believe today is the last day for pain medication. Richard encouraged me this morning to take them today and he was right. The pain is less and lasts for a shorter period of time, but it is still there. If I need anything tomorrow, I'll take Tylenol. In fact, I may take Tylenol for a day just in case. The recovery period after urination is also shorter. I still get the creepy crawly skin as the stream slows down, but nothing like days gone by.

From Saturday with my 8/10 to Sunday with my 10/10 to Monday with my 11/11, I'm at about a 5/10 at the worst moments. Totally improved.

Now I think toward the future - vitamin C, B12, E, calcium, D, and newly added cranberry extract capsules. Continue the no smoking. Get back to exercise. And keep the diabetes under control with exercise, diet, and medications. I'm ready to get decent sleep again. Last night, I was up every 2 hours. That's an hour more per sleep period than the day before.

As a side note, today was Brian's last day of chemotherapy. So happy for him. He still has a lot of work ahead of him to get his life back in order, but as I have a new day one tomorrow, he had a new day one today.

Overall, life is pretty good. I'm ready for whatever happens.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I almost got real sleep

Another one of those 'what a difference a day makes' moments. I'm very happy to say that!

I chose to sleep downstairs in the recliner again so I could be close to the loo. The night before, I had been up about every 15 minutes to half hour; the frequency and urgency has been a bear. Last night, though, it was every hour. Not bad! When you have one of these infections, there's a short period of time after going to the bathroom that you have to recover from the pain. That recovery time is pretty painful too. That span of time finally started getting shorter last night too. Progress.

I'd say in terms of 1-10, I'm at a 7ish. That's very manageable.

I stopped going back to sleep at about 5ish, so got up and started the day. I decided to cut the dose of Percocet in half. I still need some, but I don't need 10 mg anymore.

Here's the thing. I've talked a lot about pain the last few days. If there are people out there living with chronic pain equal to this acute, and hopefully one time, situation, they have my ultimate respect. I've honestly never been through anything like this before and had no idea what real pain was. I thought the pain after my knee replacement surgeries was real pain. Nope.

At any rate, today is better than yesterday.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Later that day

Tom came by and we visited for a bit, then went to Food Lion so I could replace my fuzzy zucchini. I was a little less full of energy than I thought I would be. That was a little surprise. It was then I realized that I guess I am a little bit sick. I haven't even thought about that! They didn't have organic eggs, so I asked Tom if we could go across the street to Farm Fresh. Then I said, nah. I got regular eggs. I just didn't have it in me to go to another store. Middle class people problems.

We loaded up the car and I pushed my luck, asking if we could stop and pick blackberries on the way home. Again, I ran out of gas, but did get a few picked. I'll go back when I'm not all doped up. They're so delicious this year.

The Percocet is doing its job. For that, I am very thankful. The pain on urination is pretty severe, but the recovery time is getting shorter and shorter. I'm nowhere near the pain level of yesterday without the drugs. My new hope is that the antibiotics kick in and do their job. I was hoping that would be happening by now.

The most amazing thing is I was feeling perfectly fine after surgery until Saturday night. Sigh.

Enough of that. There is pain control improvement and I am no longer seeing stars and crying. I'll take it.

I hope to get some sleep tonight. I was able to nap for 2 hours without having to get up and go. I think that bodes well for tonight.

So bring it on, Wednesday. Let's make it a delightful change from yesterday.

Today's Dr. Burgess (uro) update

I got a call about a half hour ago. He has asked that I be worked into his Friday schedule since I expressed concern that my one week followup was scheduled for three weeks. Coincidence? I don't know. I will definitely have a conversation about yesterday's runaround.

The pain level is still down to a manageable number (7ish). I can live with that, especially since it should diminish even more as the day goes on.

On a happy note, Tom's coming by to take me to the store. What a guy.

More fun stuff & healing ahead? I hope so!

It's not all complaining, really.

The pain meds have made my life bearable and I'll take them again today and see how it goes. They don't stop it, but they do dampen it a bit. I'm good with that. If it's an infection causing all of this mayhem in the nether regions, they should kick in this evening. It usually takes 24 hours for an effect. That's the biggie - are they helping?

I did the go to bed/get up routine last night and at 3, finally came downstairs to address the recliner and see if being closer to a bathroom and different positioning would allow me to relax enough to sleep. I got a couple hours of sleep after fitful maybe sleep up until then. Frequency and urgency are not my friend right now; the antibiotics should help with that. When I got up, I raised my arm and couldn't believe the skank! It made me laugh out loud. The dog was wondering why I was saying PU! Into the shower and skank be gone. Additionally, you can't feel but so bad after a shower.

The pee pain is still about 7-8 when I'm going with the lingering pain being a 5, but lasting not nearly as long. Whew. Big whew. I'm using "motherfucker" less in the bathroom and more "damn, damn, damn!" The layers of cussing do tell the tale, don't they?

Abbey is on day 3 of her Zyrtec and she's doing a good job of not licking her lesions. Wish us all luck on that one. The next step is antidepressants for obsessive/compulsive disorder. We're both hoping that it was caught early enough and that's such a people pleaser (stopping when we catch her or stopping herself before she makes contact with a lesion), she should heal in a month or so. It's forever (the licking compulsion), so we'll just have to make sure she's not overdoing it. She was a very bitey puppy and has licked everything within reach at least once. Lindsey was a pillow licker, but didn't take it any further than that.

I'm still befuddled by the urology office's non-responsiveness yesterday. I'll address that with the doctor at my follow up visit. The notes here will help me keep my dates/times straight when we talk.

Blood sugar was way too high this morning, but I'm not surprised. You should have seen my vital signs at the doctor's office yesterday. Whoo boy. This too will ease up today or tomorrow.

Just a bump in the road. I'm looking for a level highway for a while.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Quick update

I'm in a much better place. The pain on urination is about an 8 now, rather than an 11. I can live with that. It also isn't hanging around after the deed is done. The mental calm that comes with pain meds is also a bonus. I started the antibiotics and am sure that in about 24 hours, I'll be back to what I consider to be normal.

I have a new respect for anyone who has ever had a urinary tract infection. I also have a new respect for Dr. H. He saw me in distress and did what he could to help me. That's all I wanted.

Tonight will be a long one, but it's not a hopeless one. For that, I am very grateful.

Let the healing begin!

What a day

I called the uro's office around 9:30 to express my dismay at the excruciating pain, urgency, and frequency. The nurse eventually called back and said my doctor was out, but she'd talk to the other doctor and call me back. Around 1:30, I still hadn't heard back, so I called again. She called me again and told me that they were closing the office due to their AC being broken. I told her I was on my way over just in case there was a written pain med Rx to pick up. She said the doctor said to go to an urgent care center or my regular doctor, that it sounded like I had an infection. I said, "You're telling me that y'all aren't going to help me?" She didn't really reply.

As I was headed to that side of town anyway, I called my regular doctor and explained that I was post-op, in severe pain, and really needed some help. She asked if I could come in at 2:45. I told her I was almost to their office and she told me to come on in and they'd do what they could.

TMI, but I peed 2 times before I even saw the doctor. I didn't mind waiting. I was in a state. My BP was up. My pulse was up. I was sweaty. I was hurting (even when not peeing). And I was on the verge of tears. Dr. H and I talked about what brought me there and he said he wasn't sure of what was going on, but would run a culture on the urine and start me on antibiotics in case of infection and write a small prescription for pain meds. That's all I wanted. I need some temporary relief here.

A night of essentially no sleep, pain that I've never felt before, and just having had surgery - this concerned me.

I got a snack on the way home as my BS was diving in addition to everything else, then headed for the pharmacy. I dropped off the scripts and came home. I got my bottle of the few pills I had and took 2. I am pleasantly waiting for the pain to drop from an 11 to an 8. I'd be fine with that level. I had fucking knee replacements. I can do anything. When it gets beyond me, it's a mess.

I will absolutely be changing urologists. I love Dr. Burgess, but this is unacceptable. Richard sees Dr. Volz, and though he's in Portsmouth, I don't mind the drive until he opens an office in Williamsburg again.

In the meantime, I will veg, drink water, pee a lot, and hopefully not be screaming to Jesus, Joseph, and Mary every 10 minutes.

Fuck keeping calm

Lest I bitch too loudly, let me present a graphical representation of my day thus far.

I have cried uncle and called the doctor's office. I can't do this another day. Last night was a nightmare. I went to bed at 10 and was up every 15 minutes needing to pee. That created excruciating pain which takes 5-10 minutes to wean away, and then I'm up again in 15 minutes. This went on for hours. I got up and went downstairs to read. After not going to the bathroom and screaming bloody blue murder, I took a sleeping pill and finally was able to calm down enough to sleep for a while.

My hope was that this morning would be different. It's not. This pain is worse than the knee replacement pain with one exception. The night of the second knee surgery, I had huge breakthrough pain and the kindest nurse on the planet put some Demerol in my IV. That was a one time deal. This is over and over and over and over.

The cycle is - drink water to heal, pee, cry and scream, recover for 5-10 minutes. That's the day in a nutshell. I have to drink the water to clear things out. I can see why children with UTIs won't drink. It keeps them from having to pee. I can dig it. But I'm old enough to know that's not the answer.

At any rate, I am begging for pain meds. I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor's office. I'd rather sit here stoned for a couple of days if it would take the edge off than having to deal with this one more minute. This coming from someone who is not even close to a pain wimp.

Send happy pee thoughts.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Oh my pissing god!

I shall end this day with one word - "MOTHERFUCKER!" That's what I've been saying all day every time I pee. Someone put a monster in me and it's been burning me from the inside out. It's like having a baby and getting a tattoo in a painful area all in one for however long it takes for the pee to finish.

TURBT, that's what I had. Everywhere you read about it, there's more than a mention of the excruciating pain or intense pain or painful pain during urination that happens afterward, but here mine is starting three days after surgery. I am the luckiest (what's today's word?) motherfucker alive.

I was prescribed pyridium which I already mentioned, but am not sure it did a damned thing. If this goes on for another day, I'm crying out for real drugs. I'd rather be drugged out and a little less in pain than doing this. Even if it's only for a day or two.

My theory is that if I keep drinking a ton of water, that will dilute whatever it is that's still coming out of me. It will also make me go more, but the dilution will be worth it.

While I'm at it, I think I'll bitch about urgency. That's the feeling that you need to go when you don't. Yep, that's happening too.

Not looking for any sympathy, just throwing this out there for the "stop the fucking painful pee" gods to maybe see.

I'll take my pissy (attitude and activity) self to bed here in a few minutes. I would politely ask that this day be over now.


Interesting. Today is the worst day so far and surgery was three days ago. The annoying shit:

My jaw on the left is hurting when I chew. I'm sure it's from the positioning during anesthesia and will go away.

My right hip hurts. Again, probably positioning.

It hurts to pee. A lot. This is one of the things they told me would happen. The bladder is sloughing off the medication they instilled and some cells that may be left from the surgery itself. I'm drinking a ton of water and did take one of the Pyridium he prescribed. If it helps, great. If not, no harm done.

I'm queasy. That could be the reintroduction of the diabetes meds, even if only after one day of not taking them.

The good shit:

Today? Not so much. The best part is knowing tomorrow will be better.

You're supposed to feel like you had surgery after you had surgery, right?

Friday, June 19, 2015

Less drugged, doing aiight

I slept like a log last night. There's no surprise in that with all the juice they put in your system to knock you out. My sore throat didn't keep me awake. All the fun things they told me probably would happen (pain in the nether regions, bladder spasms requiring medication, and painful pee), well, none of them happened. The prescription for Pyridium has gone untouched and I won't be needing it. I have two days of antibiotics left.

Here's a fun piece of trivia. I called to make my one week followup appointment at Dr. Burgess' office. The gal told me the followup appointment was made when they scheduled me for surgery. Well, golly. No one told me that. Not only that, it's scheduled for July 6, which in my world of calendar math is a little bit more than a week. I do like this doctor a lot, but I am so not a fan of his gatekeeping team. Grumble.

I'm sure there's a biopsy happening, but I won't learn anything about that until the said one week (ha!) appointment.

The worst part of all of this is not smoking. I know that's really a plus. For a couple of days, it'll be a distraction, but once again, I'm okay with that.

I had a 3-hour nap today and am ready to go back to bed again. This part will probably be over tomorrow.

Yeah, it was a cancer, but I do believe the surgery may have kicked its ass.

Back to reality and diabetes tomorrow. In a couple weeks or so when the appointment is over, back to the pool too. I might even cook tomorrow. Richard's been a national treasure. He deserves a break.

Surgery Day

Richard and I showed up at Sentara yesterday, right at 9:30 as instructed and went upstairs to the surgery floor. I was called pretty quickly. Jen, my number 1 wonderful special better than ever RN, showed me my room and did a little of this and little of that for the next hour. Got an IV, blood sugar checked, dressed in a lovely gown and cheap don't-slip slippers, and then proceeded to nap off and on while Richard waited patiently beside me in the chair.

Jen stopped back in to let us know there were delays and that my time was pushed up to 12:30. So we watched TV and 12:30 came and went. Then 1. I got a visit from the anesthesiologist and then Dr. Burgess. Then stuff started happening and into the OR I went. Everyone on the team said hello. They seemed surprised to see me awake and talking, but no medicine.. yet. "I'm going to give you a little something to relax..." And boom. Recovery room just about fully awake, I am sure it wasn't that simple, but that's what I remember. Dr. Burgess visited Richard and told him that there was a tiny stem (very good thing) and that everything went very smoothly. I did spent about an hour in the recovery room with the medication instilled (mitomycin C) and when that time was up, back to being catheter-free and to my pre-surgery room.

All of the details between "relax" until last night are just a shade hazy, so I'm not exactly sure what time was what. I think it was around 4 p.m. that we left. Jen told me I had to pee before I left and gave warnings about how much it was going to hurt. I had a mini-ginger ale and peed just fine without pain. After getting home, Richard went to get meds and I hung out. That outing didn't work out, so he did it again later and I went to sleep while he was out. He got me some mac and cheese, so that was dinner. Beyond that, it was TV, sewing, and soon to bed.

I did get up a few times in the night, but that is no surprise. No pain. Easy to get back to sleep. At 6, I went ahead and got up. I'm sure there's a nap in my future today.

I will make the first of many follow up visits with Dr. Burgess for a week from now. I had anticipated being curled up like a ball with a lot of pain in the pee region, but neither of those things happened. The unknown is scary territory.

I'm not smoking. I still wish it was okay to smoke, but it's not. So there.

Today? I'm just going to take it easy. I'm already feeling sweaty and it's not hot in here. The day after surgery is always fun, so I'll be fun along with it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The call

Oooh, that sounds so ominous - The Call.

Actually, it's been a two-call day so far. Let's start by saying I got zero sleep last night and ended up getting out of bed at 5 with a rowdy "fuckit." I got a nap at 10:30, but still feel like the proverbial truck has run me slam over.

The insurance lady called from the hospital. They're going to get their money for sure. She said they had no record of me being here yesterday. I told her I most definitely was there for blood work and an EKG. The conversation kind of escalated and went in this direction and that, culminating with me not only not having been there, but that they didn't have the right insurance information and that I needed to take care of that for yesterday's stuff. Argh. I did give insurance lady my new card information and left the phone call thinking that it's not my fault that they didn't ask for it yesterday. She told me I had to talk to the pre-surgery assessment nurse to straighten it out. I did call her and she was baffled. She told me she'd talk to the registration folks and if they had questions, they'd call me.

The second call just ended. This was the surgical nurse. I'm to arrive at 9:30, which leads me to believe I'm not scheduled for some time after that. I'mma be hongry!

I know this is not a huge surgery. I know that it'll be over when it's over. But I still had another wash of anxiety come over me after the second phone call. Weirdness. I'm ready for Friday.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Ready for my closeup, Dr. Burgess

The day started with a call from the Sentara assessment nurse. We talked about bunches of stuff including that I had blood work done recently and was seeing the endo today.

I got myself all showered and even shaved my legs, and headed to the endocrinologist's office in Williamsburg. The gal there told me Dr. K is in Newport News on Tuesdays, so I asked her to call their office and tell them I'm on the way. I dash to NN (about 1/2 hour) and go to the front desk, where they inform me my appointment isn't until July 16! I did say I'd like to get a copy of my lab work, which I had drawn a month early too (no one noticed the dates on that form either, not even me), and the receptionist said since I was having surgery, they'd work me in. Which they did. I got specific orders from the endocrinologist and then head to the hospital to talk to the nurse and to have my preop EKG.

The blood work wasn't sufficient, so that was added to today's stuff. (Hindsight, they did blood work in the ER not that long ago; that should have been enough.) There was a student lab person who had never done a hand vein draw before, and she was reluctant to do so. I encouraged her to go for it while she had a willing patient. She did, and it was fine. EKG done.

Now I wait for them to call tomorrow and tell me what time the actual surgery is on Thursday.

Yes, Pee Pee Doctor, I am ready.

Phone calls and schedules and stuff, oh my

Today is going to be a medical filled day.

I spoke with the assessment nurse at the hospital this morning and she tells me I'm tentatively scheduled for 12:30 on Thursday. That's a long ass time to go without eating, but it's okay. She cracked up when I admitted to occasional marijuana use. Why lie?

I'll be seeing Dr. Knudsen (endocrinologist) today and will deal with what meds to take or not take on surgery day. I also hope to get a "let's keep doing what you're doing" report from her. I will get lab work from her to take to the hospital.

Then at the hospital, I'll get an EKG. I already had all the lab work when I was in the ER in April, so no need to redo all that.

I got an amazing email from Joanna. She and Brian are such good people. He's close to the end of his chemo and will be addressing reconstructive surgery soon. I want so badly for him to be done with this.

And on a personal note, I'm ready for getting back to worrying about what's for dinner.

Abbey has had a rash on the back of her rear legs for a while now, treated twice. Now she has raw spots on the front legs. She'll be visiting Dr. Kinkead Friday.

Time to work and start my real day. Fuck cancer.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Back to my regular brain farts

Last week was a trial for sure. I was up, down, and mostly just saying WTF a lot.

Friday, it was time to get back to me, so that's what I'm doing. I'm sleeping again and that makes every day easier to deal with. I got to spend several hours at Robin's house Saturday playing cards and getting stupid. It was well worth it. I still wasn't into eating, but did have a couple snacks without nausea. (The nausea is from change in diabetes medications and will continue to get better every day; it has nothing to do with the tumor.)

My blood sugars are coming back out of the stressed zone, which is super good.

Today, I wait to hear from the hospital about what testing I need to have done.

Today, I'll do laundry. I want clean sheets if I'm going to hang out in bed for a day or so.

Today, I'll get some errands run so the dog has food and stuff like that.

Today, I'll do regular old Monday stuff.

I got a call from Brian and Mike, and Mike came by for a smidge on Saturday. I did let family know what's up. Other folks, I've directed to the last two entries on the blog. It kind of tells the tale.

You know what? My husband has been amazing. Doesn't matter what gets either of us down, we just deal and move through it with each other. I had him give me my insulin this morning so he knows how to do it. Big time poke, but he did it!

And that's the news from my little piece of paradise in the woods near Croaker, VA. Let the week begin and let the prepping for surgery and cancer removal happen.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

No more gob smacking, okay?

So, I wrote what I was going to have done. I don't think I shared what it is I have:

  • Papillary carcinomas grow in slender, finger-like projections from the inner surface of the bladder toward the hollow center. Papillary tumors often grow toward the center of the bladder without growing into the deeper bladder layers. These tumors are called non-invasive papillary cancers. Very low-grade, non-invasive papillary cancer is sometimes called papillary neoplasm of low-malignant potential and tends to have a very good outcome.
If you can believe it, it was actually kind of cute. I don't like where it lives, but it doesn't have fangs, devil horns, or evil written all over it. It still has to go!

I think I let everyone in the family know. Should I have? I'm not sure. Like I told my nephew, this generation of our family cares for one another and I thought it should be shared. He's going through a much more harrowing cancer situation, but is about to have his last round of chemo and is set for reconstructive surgery in October. We're all so damned happy for him! 

Richard is all about 'let's do what we need to do' and I'm with him on that. I am hoping this is a bump in a very long road. That's what I bank on. 

Today is focusing on eating healthy and not smoking. I woke up last night not feeling so good, but at least I slept! I knew sleep would return; three nights of no sleep was not fun. Today is also a theater day. I'll be ushering later and it'll be fun to get out and be with people. Monday, it's back to the pool!

How do I feel about this? Not as woe as I did. I'm out of the funk that I allowed myself. Mother nature has blessed us with 500° days, so that's not been fun. But then, I've always been grumpy in the heat! Okay, no more humor - how do I feel? I feel like ... more like I wish things were a little more carefree. Maybe I'm still a little wistful. I know I can't go back, but I also know I can move forward. That's true with any situation. 

I will receive a call from the hospital on Monday to do a phone history. If any further bloodwork or testing is needed, that's when I'll find out. Then, on Wednesday, they'll call again to let me know what time to show up Thursday. 

Here goes nothing!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Now with a side of cancer

April 19, 2015 - had weird thing happen, blood in my urine! ER visit with a clean CT scan and no infection, and a referral to a urologist.

About 2 weeks later, met with the urologist. He set up an ultrasound.

Monday, June 8, I followed up with the urologist and he was smiling when he told me the ultrasound was clear. He proceeded to do a cystoscopy and when I saw this bouncing pink thing that looked like 100 jellyfish huddled together (sans tentacles), he said, "that's a tumor." Right about there, I sort of lost focus. I asked if he was going to snip it off and he said it had to be done in an OR. He talked about cancer, a chemotherapeutic agent that would be instilled, surgery, the possibility of recurrence, and that I was lucky that mine was the size of a grape as the gentleman before me had one the size of a Twinkie. Honestly, I don't want a tumor at all, dude. I did ask where you get these things and he said smoking. Okay, that's off the table.

They said the scheduler would call and we'd get this thing done this week or next. It's Wednesday at 6 p.m., and I haven't heard anything so far. I'm sure they'll get to it.

I sat on a bench outside the center and talked to Richard on the phone, cried a little bit, and then headed for Emily's doughnut shop. They were so worth it. I didn't sleep much Monday night, even after taking one of Richard's pills. I woke up apparently having nightmares and he came in and slept with me for the rest of the night.

Tuesday and today haven't been much better. I'm truly in a funk. I'm allowing myself till Friday morning to have my pity party and then I pick myself up, wipe off the dust, and get on with it. This is what I will be having:

Transurethral surgery

For early-stage or superficial (non-muscle invasive) bladder cancers, a transurethral resection (TUR), also known as a transurethral resection of the bladder tumor (TURBT), is the most common treatment. Most patients have superficial cancer when they are first diagnosed, so this is usually the first treatment they receive.
This surgery is done using an instrument passed up the urethra, so it does not require cutting into the abdomen. You will get either general anesthesia (where you are asleep) or regional anesthesia (where the lower part of your body is numbed).
For this operation, a type of rigid cystoscope called a resectoscope is placed into the bladder through the urethra. The resectoscope has a wire loop at its end to remove any abnormal tissues or tumors. The removed tissue is sent to a lab to be looked at by a pathologist.
After the tumor is removed, more steps may be taken to try to ensure that it has been destroyed completely. Any remaining cancer may be treated by fulguration (burning the base of the tumor) while looking at it with the cystoscope. Cancer can also be destroyed using a high-energy laser through the cystoscope.
The side effects of transurethral bladder surgery are generally mild and do not usually last long. You might have some bleeding and pain when you urinate after surgery. You can usually return home the same day or the next day and can resume your usual activities in less than 2 weeks.
Unfortunately, even with successful treatment, bladder cancer often recurs (comes back) in other parts of the bladder. If transurethral resection needs to be repeated many times, the bladder can become scarred and lose its capacity to hold much urine. Some people may have side effects such as frequent urination, or even incontinence (loss of control of urination).
In patients with a long history of recurrent, non-invasive low-grade tumors, the surgeon may sometimes just use fulguration to burn small tumors that are seen during cystoscopy (rather than removing them). This can often be done using local anesthesia (numbing medicine) in the doctor’s office. It is safe but can be mildly uncomfortable.