Friday, September 4, 2015
Did anyone see a crazy lady in a powder blue convertible VW bug raising her fist while driving earlier?
Let me crow a little bit, Freddy Mercury.
I went to Food Lion. I walked the whole store slowly. I took my time. I read a label or two along the way. I picked out my broccoli with care. I read a box of Pop Tarts. I looked at the magazine rack. I picked up a bit of this and a bit of that.
Sounds pretty normal, right?
Just 2 days ago, I went to Pet Smart and Martin's. At both stores, I had to use the bathroom. And so I did.
Just a week and a day ago, I wet my fucking pants trying to get to a bathroom.
But guess what? As I drove home from Food Lion after a pretty long and leisurely shop, I had the top down, pumping the air, hollering "yahoo!" I didn't care who saw me or who heard me.
I DID NOT HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT ALL WHILE I WAS OUT!
Fuckin A, I say.