Monday, September 14, 2015

Day before Dr. Volz day 1

My BP was fine this morning. I might have already mentioned that. I know it was the right thing to go on meds with the numbers that were happening with the pain incidents, healing, and body stress, not to mention lack of exercise and not sleeping.

I spent the first two thirds of the day in sort of a funk, partially feeling sorry for myself. I wish I was super human and didn't have those periods of down time, but I am and I do. I'm really sick of pain. I'm totally over peeing all the damned time. So, at one point, Abbey and I sat on the glider, enjoying the beautiful weather. I pet her. She licks me. I talk to her and she looks at me like I'm listening. She agrees that though I'm not in my 20s or 30s and don't care to do some of the social things I used to do, I'm not ready to roll over and give in. I got my knees replaced so I could get activity back. What do I miss right now? My exercise classes. I believe when I'm able to go back to that, I'll be mood up in no time at all. (The doctor says even if the BP goes back down with exercise, etc., he's going to keep me on a small dose for kidney protection as I have diabetes. I'm okay with that too.)

Abbey suggested that I just take the next few weeks for what they are, be the best me I can be, and after the next cystoscopy, maybe there will be real answers and real healing. She's pretty optimistic when I'm not. (Only a dog lover would understand who I know she was speaking to me. Grin.)

I wrote out a timeline for Dr. Volz. It's a very brief synopsis of the last several months' worth of blogging. I thought it was brief until I printed it and it was 4 pages. I had Richard read it and he felt it covered everything. He also agrees that there are more than one bottom lines - I've lost faith in the practice I'm a part of now and I need to get my life back. Not being a functional person is the hardest part of all. I can take pain pills; I can stay home and pee all day long; I can write about the good and the bad right here, but it's not the same.

So, let the good times roll. Mama's not pleased and I'm ready to do my part to make this situation better.

Funny thing - I was in Robin's pool for a while yesterday and did normal water exercises, and ended up wrenching my knee. I was like, "great, another issue!" I know I have to have the left one re-replaced, but I want to put that off as long as I can. That's a whole different kind of pain that is more explainable and improves every day, but I really don't want to do it until at least after the wedding! Today, it's better. Now that's the way stuff heals. It's not 100%, but it's better. Like I said, that's the way stuff heals.

I am happy that Dancing with the Stars is on tonight. A nice diversion. I finished the last of the trick or treat bags today and hope to get them listed on Etsy tomorrow. I have some pumpkin pie pot holders half made and will finish those and list them. Then it's back to the bags, but this time with brains fabric and blood spatter fabric :)  Maybe a blood spatter table runner. I love sewing for Halloween. See? It's not all awful; I do find things to do with myself that doesn't involve piss :)

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