Saturday, April 26, 2014

Unacceptable

Hemoglobin A1c = 10.9. This is unacceptable. Plus, my cholesterol indicators are up where they shouldn't be and down where they shouldn't be. I will understandably be on the hot seat when I go see Dr. H on Tuesday and well I should be. I am responsible, on one else. So what am I going to do about it. I am optimistically taking control, as I should every day. I am in a 'don't stop starting' state of mind. That's step one. I'll think on this addictive, all or nothing behavior of mine. I'll try hard to act on it. Here's what goes through my head:

You already had one, so why not have the rest? The damage is already done.
Your appointment is in a month, so you have time to rectify the damage; go ahead and eat shit.
One Diet Dr Pepper won't hurt.

Bullshit through and through. It's like smoking or alcohol drinking - one's too many, a thousand is not enough.

Moving forward.
I polished off the last of the breakfast/vegetable casserole, and added some Wellness Meats bacon to the plate. Half of that went to Richard; I thought it made the plate look nicer. 

We spent the best part of the day thus far working on the garden. We got 39 cubic feet/39 bags of dirt and got raised bed #3 filled, and all the holes in the cinder blocks where the marigolds go. We're expecting rain in the next few days. Once that has passed, I'll plant the remaining vegetables and the flowers. Richard saw a hummingbird. I made hummingbird food and now we have the two feeders up, and within 15 minutes of hanging the first one, a hummingbird was already there. Love those little stinkers. After hauling dirt and all that goes with that, we're pooped. I need to figure out what to have for lunch. I'm thinking filet and green beans. Yup. Picture later!
Changed my mind. Had shredded brussel sprouts with the filet instead. Damned good. 

There will be a challenge tonight as Richard is going out. I am shoring myself up to make sure that I don't fall into an old habit trap of eating when no one is looking. They don't have to look; they see it on my body. Truth is the detail of the day.

I grabbed some candy corn today, measured it out, put it on My Fitness Pal. Then, after it was gone, of course, my mind sort of shifted into another gear - "It's not the number of pieces of candy corn I ate; it's the fact that I ate any at all that counts!"  Whoa. That made me truly think. 

The concept was good, but it sort of sucked. It's my traditional Waldorf salad with chicken added. Instead of the organic mayo, I added coconut milk vanilla yogurt. Nope, not going to do that again. I ate it because I made it, but the yogurt was not a good idea at all. 

Day's done. I have grapes if I go nuts, but I'm going to try to make it without snacks tonight. 

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