I had a banana. I'm not very hungry this morning. I'll do better for lunch. I visited my dermatologist today to have a biopsy done on what is most likely a basal cell cancer on my nose. She explained that though I am not a tanner, having spent the first 18 years of my life at the pool, in the sun, no sunscreen was what it was all about. My sister gets them on her arms and back. I have a little cut on my nose now and a regular bandaid, and it'll be fine. If I have to do the second step, it will be a day in the Mohs surgeon's office. Dr. Marcuson is my gal.
The morning turned to shit. I had a few cigarettes and some Krispy Kreme donuts. I buckled. I fucked up. There are no excuses. I am back on the quit smoking and Whole30. I'll change my number to number 1 tomorrow because that's what it is. There's no justifying donuts on an elimination diet.
I woke up in a black hole after a good night's sleep. I've been on the verge of tears today. This is all part of the quitting smoking AND the Whole30 process. Rather than look beyond today, I took today's bad mood and feelings of nothingness and abused food and cigarettes. Lesson learned - it's not all about what's happening right now unless you allow it to be. I need to allow myself to feel those shit feelings. Everyone does. I'm nobody special and I don't have a free pass to smoke or eat myself out of a funk. So, carrying on.
For lunch, I had chicken, chayote squash, and some Tessemae's BBQ sauce in the stir fry. The new taste of the chayote was nice. I have a bit of a spicy aftertaste. I'm not sure if that's from the sauce, spices, or the squash itself. Regardless, it was delicious.