Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I've lost my way!

I am so fucking lost! I am fine during the day and at night, I'm fucked. I am not into this. I have gotten rid of damned near everything that is tempting and speaking to me food-wise, but this is pissing me off.

I have begun this Wednesday with another new resolve. I really do not want to be the night eater I once was. This fucking sucks. It's like someone who doesn't give a shit has crawled into my head and taken over.

Time to think about why I want to lose weight again and make a list and check it thrice? We have a new addition to the family and I'm ever-vigilant as far as she's concerned. I may have replaced my overeating awareness with puppy awareness?

Okay, that was an eye opener. I never thought of that before right this minute! I may have replaced my overeating awareness with puppy awareness?  I bet that's it. I have room in my heart and soul for more than one child. That means I have room in my awareness and vigilance mind for more than one concern.

I think I'll digest that thought for a little while and take it from here. One day at a time.

Still fucking fat and still fucking fighting it.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The post in which she admits she's out of control

I am completely out of control. I lost my way in Phoenix and I keep trying to get it back. I cannot remain in this state.

I did not exercise appropriately while I was out of town. I am back to pool exercise tomorrow in the morning. To add to the life change of getting my eating out of control, I've acquired a puppy. She will spend her first time in the crate while I'm gone tomorrow. I've never used a crate before, but it apparently is a godsend. We'll see how it goes.

I went to Weight Watchers once while in Phoenix. I made every excuse possible not to go back. I did a good job of eating okay, but not great. The last few nights, I've not given a shit and I want my shit back.

There are so many things to say, but none of them are 100% honest. They're filled with rationalization, assholieness, and god knows what else.

I'll leave you with this and the knowledge that I'm blogging and making a resolve to stay within my points tomorrow if it kills me.
Me and my new baby, Abbey Road. 

Still fucking fat and still fucking working on it.