Thursday, October 18, 2012

Well pooh

Fuckin crap on a stick. I'm up 2 this week. It's sort of what I expected, but I'm never happy about it. Monday and Tuesday were a wash with travel prep and then travel, so now, on the wagon for a week and take this 2 off and maybe 1 more. The Weight Watchers meeting here leaves a lot to be desired, but at least I'm going, right? Right.

We did talk about eating at night and about having conversations with ourselves on the way to the kitchen. The leader 'led' for a half hour and not a penny more. I'll go there for the next 2 weeks, but maybe I need to find one with a more dynamic person in charge. That's part of what I pay for. And it's a lot of what I need.

I had a little adventure on the way home and took a few wrong turns, but made my way to The Good Egg for brunch. I had some amazing broiled mushrooms with my eggs. I ended up bringing about half of that home to have with something else. Another thing I did right, even though it's my day off, was to order tomatoes instead of potatoes. They actually tasted like tomatoes! Then it was off to Safeway in a very round about, almost lost way, while not hungry, to buy things that help me during the week. I did pass one yard sale, so I had to stop there and buy junk.

I think I mentioned yesterday that I was almost expecting a gain this week, so there's no big surprise. It's back on the wagon and just keep moving forward. No looking back.

Still fucking fat and yep, I'm still fucking working on it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Phoenix again!

Here I am in Phoenix and it's not 150°! Someone ordered good weather for me and I'm down with that.

Yesterday was an oddball eating day. I counted the max points for the day and will hope for the best. Today? Still not back to exactly on target, but closer. Tomorrow is my first meeting in Scottsdale and I suspect I'll be up a pound or two, but that's okay. I'll take it back off again. Today was time zone adjustment day. I am totally time zone challenged, but I'll get there (just about time to go home). Eh, the graph goes down, but it goes up and down in spots. This will be one of those up and down weeks.

I suspect it's too chilly to walk in the pool, so I'm going to have to break out the Reeboks and see if I can hobble to the corner (about 1/10 mile) and back. Walking on land ain't my strong suit, yet. 

Not much to bitch about today so will leave it at this:

Still fucking fat. Still fucking working on it.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Another week - keeping nights clean

<-- Ain't that the frickin truth? It's a hard concept to grasp, but it is the truth. That's just the way it is. There are frowny days on the journey. But there are a whole lot more smiley days.

Here's the thing. My weight graph, if drawn from beginning to the present, is a down angle. There are little blips of up, but they are blips. Nothing more.

In the past, I've let the blip define me. If there was an upward trend of any sort, I would give up. Simple. Why bother when I'm just gonna fuck it up anyway? In the present, I see it for what it is and move on. I don't plan upward blips, but they happen. I think that's reality and now "normal" people live. I can't focus or dwell too much on the frowny days; the smiley days and overall trend are the reality.

I am taking another week of not eating past 10 p.m. Tonight, I had one chunk of Tom's Hershey bar. He handed me 3; I gave him 2 back. He offered to pick something up for me when he went out and I reminded him it was after 10 p.m. and that I just couldn't do it. Bravo. Success. One in the plus column!

I'd love to say, "I've got this thing," but it is indeed a daily work in progress.

Still fucking fat. Still fucking working on it (even with a tiny bite of chocolate included).

Friday, October 12, 2012

Wow, just wow!

I just got this via email from MotiveWeight and it just about took my breath away and made me cry. I've often known there was someone "in there" and I just had to set her free. Well, she's coming out, one lost pound at a time, and it's important to remember that it's just an insulator from the outside world that keeps one safe from scrutiny or any type of being noticed.

I've commented on this before in other points in my life, but I keep coming back to it - I'm more visible when I'm not heavy. Perhaps the visibility has, in the past, made me uncomfortable. It doesn't now. I welcome being noticed and not shunned due to being humongous. I cherish my new and evolving body and plan not to make it grow and shrink any longer.

Weigh-in was beautiful yesterday. I was down 2.4 and I'm very good with that. In 2.4 pounds, I'll be out of the 250s. I can't wait. I had my snack attacks yesterday and am back in the swing of things today, and will be for the week. Scottsdale next Thursday!

Still fucking fat and still fucking working on it. That fat suit doesn't come off all at once, but it does shed. Oh yes it does.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

10 p.m. challenge, 5th day

I've made it 5 days successfully - no eating after 10 p.m. Secondarily, I stayed within points and ate properly. Whew. Let's hope the weigh-in tomorrow reflects the effort.

Rita taught the exercise class today. Charlotte is out with some medical stuff happening. I hope Charlotte is fine, but I was mighty happy to see Rita getting out of her car in the parking lot at the Rec Center. She and I talked about potential future personal training. She's open to it and so am I. I suspect that at some point, I'm going to get tired of this water class. We'll see.

And look what Starbucks has done - Pumpkin Spice Latte ice cream. I'm definitely going to have to try it. Damn you Starbucks!

I have had a particularly bitchy evening from the inside out. I held it together while Allison was visiting and when talking to Ronnie on the phone, but I was mean to Richard and I'm not sure it was fair. Thursday is another day, so let's hope the mood improves. I need good spirit to continue maintaining my efforts with the weight loss and exercise. It was just a shitty hour or so and I can't wait to go to bed and sleep it off.

I have set myself another challenge for next week and it goes something like this - Other than fly day (Tuesday, the 16th), stay within points and walk either in the pool or on the sidewalk for the week. My long term goal is -10 by the end of November. I can do that with determination and my natural hardheadedness.

Still fucking fat for today, though, and still fucking working on it.

Monday, October 8, 2012

10 p.m. Challenge, Day 3

Here it is, 11:15 p.m. on day 3 of my personal challenge of not eating beyond 10 p.m. for a week. So far, so good. I also stayed within points very nicely today, including vegetables and fruits galore.

On a side note, Richard had his neck cyst surgically removed today, so we're hoping that part of ickiness is over for him. He can get back to living and quit having to deal with that damned thing.

I picked up yogurt, a couple honey crisp apples, and some cottage cheese this evening. I really don't want to have a lot of stuff in the frig, but I figured I'd better get some decent stuff to keep up breakfast and lunch, or I'll surely overdo it with crap foods before I leave for Phoenix next Tuesday.

So, here's to day 3 being in the process of completion. I trust me enough to make sure that this will be a successful day. My declared long term goal is 10 pounds by the end of November. I know that's not unreasonable. It will take work, but I'm worth it. Why would I want to remain fat as fuck? I don't. I'm willing to take this on and make it so. I even ordered 1X shirts today to wear this winter. I did the same thing before summer, but then it was ordering 2X. I have gotten almost all of the 3X and 2X things out of my closet and hope to never see them again. Lots to think about today.

Still fucking fat. Still fucking working on it.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Making it again

It's time for the 10 p.m. challenge again. Meals are done. Snacks are done. It's time to hold off on eating until the fast is broken. I can do this.

I did have some ginger snaps tonight (before the time limit) and logged them on my food thingie. Other than that, it's been a day of good foods and tasks accomplished. I got things done that I set out to do. I'll be leaving next Tuesday. In the meantime, Richard's surgery is tomorrow (cyst thing), I have a haircut scheduled, I have work to be done, and lord knows there's laundry on the schedule. I'll miss the pool tomorrow, but I'll be there on Wednesday and Friday.

But bottom line, it's past 10 p.m. and the kitchen is closed.

Still fat. Still working on it.

Making deals with myself

I fuckin missed it. I made a deal with myself that I would not eat after 10 p.m. today. When did I realize this? At 11 p.m. after I had had pretzels and had taken out another thing for snack for later. I came so close! I put the other snacks back in the drawer from whence they came and decided that I need to pick myself up and do this again tomorrow.

10 p.m. sounds late to most, but it's not to me. I work fairly late and get up about 8 hours after that fairly late, so 10 p.m. is mid-evening for me. At any rate, I fucked up. It's not worth hating myself over for sure. Interestingly, I posted this picture on Facebook earlier:

How bout them apples. It's almost like I had a premonition. Sigh.

I'm doing very well, and yet every day is a challenge. Every night is a "war." Will this ever get easier?

I put on 2.6 pounds after my trip to Florida. At weigh-in this week, I had taken the 2.6 pounds off. I then had a doctor's appointment after the WW meeting and was given kudos for weight and general fitness, and we're making plans to lower some of my medications.

It just went from Saturday to Sunday on my clock. It's a new day. Guess what? I'm still fucking fat and I'm still fucking working on it. Guest what x2? It's all good. Very good indeed.