Friday, August 31, 2012


I entitled this picture "could be me" because it could. I put my face on this woman because I a) have no clue who she is and b) wanted to see me on that body. I've no idea what this person weighs, but it sure could be me.

It's been a week of mayhem and throwing caution to the wind. I had carpal tunnel and trigger finger surgery a week ago and have left the cooking up to my husband. I also have not been able to go to the pool. I've been lax about tracking and just said "meh" to the whole process this week. "I'll do better tomorrow."

Well, tomorrow is here. I went up 2.6 pounds this week. Realistically, I should be mortified, but I'm not. I'm down 51 pounds and in a short time, I'll be at 20% weight loss. That's pretty fucking amazing! I shopped yesterday and have great foods and plans for meals. I now have a freezer, so I can take advantage of sales and gardens. My income may have been cut in half, but my efforts to continue gaining my life back as I lose weight and make behavioral changes has been redoubled.

This week's topic was conveniently - turning over a new leaf. Good timing. I went to the meeting even though I knew I had gained, and then I enjoyed my Thursday off. Today has started out very well. I cut the leftover whoopie pies from Trader Joe's in half, figured out the points (3), and put the halves in bags to freeze them. I got my chicken packed up and frozen. I had to buy pre-squished burgers this time because my hand is not quite 100% yet. I cut up the watermelon wedge and now have chunks to grab when I want them. I bought pre-peeled hard boiled eggs for salad and snack, and I have some amazing pineapple spears just waiting to be eaten.  The bottom line is, this week, I am ready.

I said to a friend last night, "I am where I was going." She understood. It's a good time to be 57 years old, my friends.

Still fucking fat and still fucking working on it.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Day 5!

Day 5 is done and I made it yet again, even with just an occasional cigarette. I'm on my way to quit by Thursday. I'll make it for sure.

I bought a box of Frosted Cheerios! Why? Well, there's a story to that. I was shopping recently at Whole Foods in Short Pump and she bought some organic Frosted Morning O's. Go figure. On checking WW points, I found that hers were the same as mine. Albeit, hers has more fiber, they both are delicious and are an occasional snack, not an every day food.

I've been working hard on balancing protein with carbs and making sure I get some dairy in every day. I am not the best at the good health guidelines as recommended by WW, but I try.

The Good Health Guidelines
1. Eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day, (nine servings if you weigh over 350 pounds.)
2. Choose whole-grain foods, such as brown rice and oats, whenever possible.
3. Include two servings of milk products – low fat (1%) or fat-free – each day. If you’re a nursing mom, teenager, over 50 years old, or weigh more than 250 pounds, you should have three servings of milk products each day.
4. Have 2 teaspoons of healthy oils (olive oil, canola, sunflower, safflower or flaxseed) each day.
5. Ensure that you are getting enough protein by choosing at least a serving or two of lean meats, skinless poultry, fish, beans, soy products, and lentils.
6. Limit added sugar and alcohol.
7. Drink at least 6 8-ounce glasses of liquid a day. Water is the best choice.
8. Take a multiple vitamin-mineral supplement each day.
I guess the Cheerios don't fit number 6. Eep!

On another note, I'm feeling so much better today. I'll be going back to water class tomorrow rather than going to exercise at Robin's. It's too chilly in the morning these days!

Bottom line is I'm going to make my perfect week. I indeed am using some of the weekly points. Maybe next time I do this, I'll try to not use the weekly points.

Still fucking fat, still fucking working on it.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Day 4?

I think it's day 4. I'm still on track except that I didn't go to the pool today. I was feeling way more than punky last night and today, a-g-a-i-n! Thankfully, this afternoon, I did start feeling better. The headache is 95% gone and my energy is returning.

I have a very busy day tomorrow. The freezer and dishwasher are being delivered; I will be out of cigs and will stay out of them; I need to go to the post office, library, and Walmart; and we'll see what else comes up.

For today, though, still fucking fat and still fucking working on it.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Day 3 of perfect

I'm always shooting for a goal of some sort. This week's goal is to make it a perfect points week. I have used a few weekly points today, but that's still on target.

Unfortunately, I am feeling a tad under the weather again. I hope a good night's sleep puts me back on the feeling okay track. I say it's allergies, but I really don't know. I took some Claritin and we'll see. I have exercise class tomorrow, so it's a "school night" and I'll get to bed earlier than most nights.

Day 3 is under my belt and I am indeed going for the goal, every day. Every single day.

Still fucking fat and still fucking on it.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Day 2 of "perfect"

It's been a good WW day. I got up fairly early, went out to breakfast (my restaurant breakfast is 13 points; I get the same thing every time), then went yard saling and to feed my friend's cat. When I got home, we decided to go grocery shopping. After that, I ended up breaking a bowl; it shattered into at least one million pieces on the tile. That was followed by sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming, all very active housework. So the first part of the day was filled with activity. Not bad for a non-exercise day!

After I broke the bowl, I had my watermelon and cottage cheese. I've been craving and eating a lot of watermelon lately. Who knew it was so good? I bought the ingredients to make the infamous/famous 3-2-1 Cake. I got Angel Food and Dark Chocolate cakes. I made it for my snack tonight as I had just the right amount of points left. It was very, very dry. I think I'll try to make it with applesauce or baby food plums to moisten it up next time. I also have some canned peaches I could blend up and use, or I could blend up some of my frozen strawberries and use them for the "liquid."

I have been working on balancing carbs with protein. I make an effort every day to keep the balance so that my diabetes will stay in control and possibly, I can get off some meds as I continue to take off the weight.

Lastly, I got some good motivational photos in my email today, and am sharing them here. They spoke to me in a good way and I want to keep them in mind the next few days. Everyone needs some extra motivation, right?

For the remainder of the day, I'll battle the kitchen thoughts. It's just part of my daily jam. Perhaps some day I will push past it and not have food thoughts at night, but I think it's so ingrained now that it's a part of me. Oh well!

Last picture - I don't know who this person is, but her after photo is what I'm shooting for. I think her body reflects where mine was last year, but others say it doesn't. Don't care. I like her after shot.
That picture came from this page of before and after shots -

Day 2 of perfect points and planning on what's up for day 3 tomorrow.

And so it goes. I am still fucking fat and guess what? I'm still fucking working on it!

Friday, August 17, 2012

P.S. on 8/12's post

My headache turned into a flu lite. Tom had it and some friends online had it. I had no energy at all and wanted nothing more than to sleep. I missed a bit of work, didn't care what I ate, and ended up missing some exercise because I just didn't have it in me at all. It's gone today and that's a good thing.
Day 1 is under my belt. I've decided to have a perfect week. My goal is to stay within points all week with a minimum of weekly points used. Today included good food, and exercise not only at the pool, but walking about the hospital. I got some errands taken care of and overall, it's been a fun day.

I took a no weigh day yesterday. I sort of threw caution to the wind last week, not totally, but enough that I was not comfortable stepping on the scale. I have begun again with day one and am pretending that I haven't lost 50 pounds, that I am at my starting weight. I'd like to move it along a little faster than 50 pounds in a year, but I'm okay with that rate if that's how it turns out.

I cannot explain why I have times, a day or more than one day, where I just don't care. That's the old me. I do care. I continue to fight the night eating battle, but that's nothing new. In the past, I would need to process this and figure out the why, but for now, I'm moving forward and not perseverating on it. I feel like a winner and don't care to feel like even a smidgen of a failure.

Day 1 and I'm still alive. Yup, still fucking fat and still fucking working on it.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The picture says it all

Stop the fucking madness. For three days, it's been 'whatevah.' That stops right this minute. First we had Thursday and the "free day" mentality. Then Friday came the leftovers of Friday. Yesterday was not bad. Today, I ate pop tarts and then had lunch out with Allison, followed by bread pudding.

Sunday night ends it. I want to lose another 50.

So, there you have it. I'm pissed at me. I need to turn this right side out and make it work for me. I worked out Friday, walked Whole Foods today, and am working out tomorrow.

As a side note, I have a headache. I wonder if it's related to the crap I'm eating and a rise in blood sugar. I feel 10 times better when I don't do this shit.

Still fucking fat. Still fucking working on it.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Must not give in

I am so fucking frustrated. I am fighting with the kitchen, yet again. It's a never ending battle, it seems. But,I lost my 50, 53 as of weigh in on last Thursday. As I showed off my before picture and the overshirt I wore when it was taken, I told the group that it's a daily struggle, and it is.

I am an addict.

60 Minutes did a thing tonight about sugar/sweeteners and showed how it excites the same portions of your brain that cocaine and other drugs do. They posited that that brain excitement goes down with small amounts so that you have to increase your intake to get the same effect, which also diminishes and you have to increase  your intake yet again. And so it goes with lots of addictive substances. I do not think that sweets are my drug of choice; I think it's just plain food in general.

I have had a couple snacks tonight, but I added them honestly to my journal. More importantly, I have NOT opened the can of icing that is in the kitchen screaming my name. It keeps saying "holy SHIT, Donna! Eat me!" I've tuned it out. It was bought for a social that I didn't attend today. I'll make the cake next week, so the icing is spoken for, but here's how my mind works:

A spoonful would be delicious. Okay, it would probably be a couple of spoonfuls. Just put it in the journal and move on. If I ate two, I may as well go ahead and eat three spoonfuls. You know, a bowl of it would be good.

The reality is that I could easily eat the whole fucking can. Therefore, I will not even have a bite. There's no reason to eat icing out of a can. That's addictive behavior.

I am David. My overeating and formerly fat person intake are Goliath. I will win. I win a little bit every single day. I struggle most days. But the bangin' body I ordered is en route and that's just that.

Still fucking fat. Still fucking working on it.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

I've got a feeling...

.....that weigh in is gonna be a-okay. Little leery, but that's okay. I know I've done the right things this week and that can only work in my favor. I'm taking the overshirt I wore in my before picture and am wearing the white tee that is in that picture. I'm also taking the before picture for those who may have forgotten what I looked like when I walked in there last July 27.

Okay, here goes nothing! Next stop - sleep, wake up, shower, and weigh in.