Thursday, April 26, 2012

Weigh weigh weigh!

I was in Florida last week and not able to attend Weight Watchers. So, back to the meeting I go today. I lost 3 pounds!

During the trip, Robin and I ate out a few times and were fussy about what we got. Fish, sweet potatoes, half a bagel and fruit, home cooked meals, and ate very few snacks. We stayed busy, but didn't do any formal exercise. It was a game - eat the best food ever within the limits. And it worked. I'm right proud of me.

I didn't go to exercise Monday; my knees were pissed at being in the car for so long. I went yesterday and it was as if I never left.

Today was a wonderful day. Yes, I'm still fucking fat, but I'm making it. I'm so in this for the long haul for sure. I know it was 16 years ago, but at 165, I look pretty damned good. I think that's where I'm headed.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Not as frightened

I'm in a better space today. I admitted my fear and I'm working on addressing it. I've worked too hard and have had both knees replaced, and I simply will not allow the nonexistent power of food send me over the edge.

I'm a marathoner in my heart. I don't mean that literally and in a running sense, but I'm in this for the long haul. I have about 18 of the 26 miles left to run, but that means I've run 8 thus far.

The honest truth is this is a path full of bumps and holes, and I need to learn to navigate it all. I can't undo all I've done. I must move forward. And that's that.

Still fat, but working on it.

Am I about to fuck up?

I am losing steam and I'm scared. I've been in this exact spot before and don't want this to happen. I am afraid that I'm going to continue along the path of don't-give-a-shit and want to stop it right now.

I will be traveling for 14 hours in a car over two days starting Wednesday morning. I'm taking strawberries, apple slices, and grape tomatoes. It should help, but the reality is that I know we will be stopping along the way to walk, go to the bathroom, and eat. My plan is to maintain my progress and adhere to my "program," but I am indeed weirded out ahead of time.

I am guessing that by facing this and "speaking it aloud" is going to help, but it's not a cure-all. I want to lose 5, 10, and 20 pounds before my birthday and I believe with the renewal of my wherewithal, I can do it.

How does one undo this potential self-sabotage? I really need, want, and will make every effort to get this thing on track and keep it there.

Still fat. Still working on it.

Friday, April 13, 2012

My new job

Losing weight is my new job. I realized today that I work hard at it and I am now successful at it. I have had many experiences with this job before, but now I'm an executive and think I have it figured out.

This is what I do right now. I don't obsess about Weight Watchers or food or exercise, and save for the few times I have not gone to exercise or have had the proverbial binge at night, I make it my business to make sure I'm working within the procedural manual of my life. I am at a point age-wise where it's make it or break it, do it or don't wake up tomorrow, take care of yourself so you can live and not just exist. I'm very happy to hear the doctor say, "you lost 12 pounds in 3 months!" and mean it in the most positive of ways. I'd like to go back in 3 months and have him say it again.

My briefcase is filled with everything I need to make this weight loss and maintenance work. The piece that means the most is my own decision making, and that is where I fail from time to time. I am faster to snap back than I ever was before and make more correct decisions than ever before. I'm in this job for the long haul. I don't see a retirement date in the future.

This is what I do. I'm still fat, but that isn't keeping me from changing that fact.

Kind of a progress photo

You can't see much for my lovely shawl, but this is me down 30 pounds.

On Thursdays, I go to WW, weigh in, go out to lunch, and usually go to my friend's house for the evening to play cards. It was particularly chilly tonight and I didn't have sleeves, so I wrapped the Scooby Doo blanket around me and fastened it with a clothes pin. Yes, a clothes pin.

The other fun thing about this picture is that right now with the height of pollen/allergy season, my eyes look like I've been on a three-month bender. My poor nose has had just about enough of tissues. Doesn't matter. We had fun anyway.

I did gain 1.4 this week, so that's a bummer, but it's an honest gain. I had family here and we went out to eat on Friday and Saturday, plus I had one "bad" day. The result is, kick it into high gear and keep going. I will not be at my meeting next week as I'm driving to Florida, so I made sure to tell the leader and my regular weigh-in lady that I am not quitting. I didn't them thinking my not showing up meant I quit over a measly 1.4 pounds!

Stay strong, weight watchers. We can do this. I'm still fat, but I'm working on it!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

It's been a while

Dang, I need to write more often. I'm down 32 pounds. I made my 10% and feel pretty good about things. Just about time for another picture! Weigh in is tomorrow and I doubt there will be a loss. I had a fairly "bad" night of bingeing last night. It sucks. I just hated myself before, during, and after, but I did it anyway. I had a couple mini ice creams, a couple Fiber One brownies, and three packs of Special K strawberry thingies. I just didn't give a shit. I haven't had one of those in god knows how long. As a result, I promised myself that I would be good to me today - follow WW, relax, get some exercise, sew a bit, and in general, try to keep negativity out of my mind and life for a day. I did that. I skipped the pool; relaxed through breakfast with coffee, vitamins, and a few games of Hearts on the computer; worked on Adam and Sandy's new baby's quilt (they know it's a girl now!); made a wonderful chicken soup (made it a few days ago and loved it so much that I made it again since I had a piece of chicken in the freezer and plenty of veggies left over); exercised a bit; did a load of laundry; and was, in general, very kind to me.

Now, I'm having a night before weigh in snack. I usually have nothing, but I'm truly hungry, so I chose this:

I am here to tell you that Weight Watchers Popped Cinnamon Swirl Crisps suck. I have a couple pouches left, but I won't buy them again. I find that the official WW foods just don't taste good. These are very cardboard-like and not nearly as cinnamon-esque as I would like. They could be good, but something's just off with them. Oh well, can't have everything.

Regardless of what the scale says tomorrow, I'm on track and will be cool with it. Thursday is also my day off and my day to hang with Robin in the evening.

My short term goal for right now is to lose 5-10 pounds before I go to Phoenix in June. I do not want to use a seat belt extender. I never want to use one again. I believe I will make it.

Oh, still fucking fat, but getting past it!