Thursday, December 22, 2011

Ta fucking da!

It was a red letter lose day: -7.8 pounds. I took a no weigh option last week, so it's a two-week total, but I'll take it! I'm 1.4 from losing 20 pounds. I'm ready to cross that line.

This is going to be a challenging week, but I think I can either lose or maintain. Today is my day off, but I'm still not going nuts. Every iota will be counted on at least 4 days, probably 5 this week. Normally, it's a 6-day week. I want this bad enough to make it happen. I will absolutely go to the pool tomorrow. It's not closed any of my normal class days, so I have to keep my eye on the prize and go, go, go!

I'd like to break into a new decade of weight and I think I'm on my way.

Gross alert: I hadda pooh this morning before I left for my meeting. I had just weighed myself just to keep an eye on how different my scales are than those at WW, kind of for a calibration (I do that a lot). I got to thinking, why not; I weighed myself afterward. Guess what? It was a .3 pound pooh. Now I know. Nothing special, but in reality, it sure was nice to have that not on/in me for weigh-in. End of gross.

So, I'm still fat, but I'm having some good success and will hopefully be sharing more of those during the coming year.

For those keeping count, I had 6, countem 6, perfect days!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Blast furnace and fuckaduck day!

What a day. A great day. But, dammit, I just had an extra dish of noodles and vegetables from dinner. I can afford it points wise, but I sort of wanted those points to remain in the neg. There you have it. That's the fuckaduck part.

Rita ran our exercise class again today and damn, she is the best. She runs a class that can kick your ass and I love it. We had some funky music playing and she told us to "walk like you have an attitude," and so I did. Then later as the pace picked up, we were doing upper body work while marching in place, and it was phenomenal enough to make me almost cry. I had the feeling I used to get when I would go out dancing. It was just a whole head and body thing that I definitely want to experience again. I did 12 laps today and got my hundred leg pumps done, and the hour of water exercise went by quickly. Looking back, I'm wondering if the addition of the cardio component is what got me going. Hmmmm. I'm not ready for that for a full hour yet, but maybe by this time next year?

The 650-pound virgin show I watched the other day - the trainer said that he just knew once he got the guy started with exercise, he'd be a fucking blast furnace, and he was. So there.. I was a blast furnace today.

I feel good about my day, even with the extra noodles/veggies tonight. I got a nice nap when I got home. I cooked an amazingly nutritious and delicious dinner. I caught my stove on fire (again) and just have to deal with it and workaround. I bought mattresses and boards for the new twin beds. And what else?

Tomorrow - not even sure yet. Still fat. Still working on it.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Day 3, clean machine

Here we are in the beginning of my third day of perfection. Last night, I had a piece of cheese after shutting down my eating, but I counted it like a champ. So far today, I've learned that Trader Joe's quiche (spinach/mushroom) is 12 points! I had one for lunch with apple slices, but I didn't eat most of the crust. I still counted it as 12 to keep myself honest.

I'm watching "I Used to be Fat" on Logo right now. The thing that I think is misleading with these weight loss shows is that yes, anyone can do anything, but these folks have personal nutritionists and personal trainers. We can all extrapolate what we need from the shows, and I do, but I don't have a personal anything. I have Weight Watchers, which I lean on big time, and I have my water exercise class. I go to them. They do not come to me. I'm not complaining, nor am I bitching in general, but just making an observation to myself that I'm doing an amazing job.

Allison walked in today and said "mom, you look good!" I'm fat and have a way to go, but it felt really wonderful hearing that from someone who has not seen me for a few weeks.

I made sausage balls and chose not to eat any. That's pretty cool - I can still do for others without sabotaging myself.

The rest of the day is ahead of me and it'll be fine. for now, "I Used to be Fat" continues. I will seek motivation and work hard until I can say that phrase myself!

One last thing - Nunee is ONE YEAR OLD today!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Day 2 of clean

Stuck with the program. The petite fours are no longer speaking to me. I won. I had some for breakfast and then    planned for some to snack on tonight. Interestingly, there's a television show on OWN right now about a guy who was 650 pounds and is now in the 200s. It's so simple - less in and more out. The end. Weight Watchers is my method, but it could be anything. It's highly motivating to see this working for this young man. He did not choose gastric bypass, did consider but didn't choose suicide, and finally went with less food in, more energy out. And that's where I am.

I need day 3, 4, 5, and on and on of clean eating and moving. And day 2 is now here and almost over.

I SO want this!

Getting clean

I am still fucking fat. I'm losing it slowly, but as of today, I'm working on being 100% "clean." I am sticking to points and exercise like a mofo and will lost 10 pounds by 1/19. Why? I'm having my right knee replaced on 1/19 and I don't want to hike up my big fat ass in the bed this time.

I'm down 16 pounds and want a few more off. I do really well and then a week or two goes by and I just say fuckit for a few days. Not now.

See those red velvet petit fours over there? I have them in my frig. They're magnificent. I have been sitting here for the past hour reminding myself of why I do not want to go attack them right now. If I do, I'll be a) over points, b) filled with remorse when they're eaten, and c) not being true to myself. If I can't take care of me, then who the fuck can? I'm not going to eat them tonight.

I had a great day - fruit, Tuscan soup, Chic Fil a for dinner, and a bowl of the krautfleckle I made for Robin. All counted. All good to go. I will not fuck that up.

Day one of super clean down and a lifetime to go.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dream shit

I had an odd dream in which Gibbs from NCIS told me, among other things, that I was only at 35%. He originally said 6%, and upped it while we "talked." How interesting. When I woke up and played with the "what the hell was that all about?" game, I came up with the fact that maybe this was me encouraging myself to kick it into high gear with WW and exercise. My success at the dream "job" was apparently in jeopardy due to my reduced effort. Maybe this was me processing how I feel about my effort in the waking world. Anything's possible.

I did work hard at exercise class today, but I was not engaged, so swam a few laps instead and then rejoined the class for stretching at the end.

Now I have the munchies and am willing myself to work at a 100% level to avoid the temptation.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Progress Photos

How things are going. 

May 2011, Pre-Before

July 2011, a week before joining WW

11/24/11 -16 pounds

03/05/2012 -26 

04/12/2012 -30 pounds

05/03/12 -35 pounds

06/15/12 -45 pounds
09/13/12 -55 pounds

05/13/13 -60 
I started Whole30 on May 1. 

A few facial changes during my Whole30 - 05/01-05/26/13. Where'd those puffy cheeks go?

Stupid picture, but I love it!
05/21/13 -65

Look who is growing a neck!
06/28/13 -76

09/10/13 -85

Monday, November 14, 2011

Who's a fucking warrior?

I'm a fucking warrior. This is my second week back at the pool and I felt like the king of the world. I did my hour of class with the rest of the folks, then broke off and did 6 laps of backstroke (2 more than usual) and 100 bicycle moves for my knees. I got it done, dammit. The extra 2 laps of backstroke were a challenge, but I keep repeating over and over in my head, "I am a fucking warrior....I am a fucking warrior...." and it worked. Those 2 laps went by with no trouble at all.

I made a pot of soup with a dried veggie mix, beef broth, and cous cous a couple weeks ago. I froze it in serving sizes and now am enjoying it for lunch. The dried vegetable mix is not all that great; it has the essence of split pea soup, so it's not terrible. Plus, I am so not letting it go to waste.  At least it's nutritious and high in fiber, right? I'm a warrior; I can eat anything. Heh!

I feel good today and am looking forward to tomorrow. I am not expecting a loss this week because of the 4.6-pound loss last week. That was a bit high and even though it was over three weeks, it was unexpected. I've worked hard this week to maintain within my points values, but haven't been 100% on target. Close, but no cigar. Real close, but still no cigar.

BUT! Who's a fucking warrior? I am. Knowing that, I can do anything. Still fat, but not forever.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Fatness personafied

Still fat. Fucking fat. I feel really fucking fat today. I can't explain it any further than that, but I feel fat.

I've done a really good job of staying within points and exercise, and that's what it's all about. Eat better; move more. That's what Roberta always says and that's what I'm aiming for.

I overdid it last night, but I counted it all, and that is what it's all about. Honesty and responsibility.

And yet, today I feel fucking fat. Perhaps tomorrow I will not.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Things align sometimes

Who knows why the mojo comes and goes. I'm just happy when it's with me, riding along each day, helping to guide my choices.

I came home from Phoenix last Tuesday. While I was away from home, I was careful and mindful, but not hard assed about sticking with the WW program. I did count up points on fly day coming home and it came to 68. Interestingly, the leader this week suggested that in days gone by, it would have been twice that. I believe she's right. Winnie and I had ice cream every single night, but we had a serving in a coffee cup that she served up. The one time she bought ice cream sandwiches, I ended up eating all of them but one, so I asked her not to get them again. That's an obvious danger food for me. We did eat well, but we also digressed from time to time, but something went right. At the meeting this Tuesday, I had lost 4.6 pounds over the past three weeks.

Today, like every day, I'm working hard to stick with it and not go too overboard. Since I've been home, I've also been going to the exercise class three instead of one or two days a week. I'm trying not to allow my lazy tendencies to take over. I'm also seriously trying to move more and not put things off.

I've had several followup physician appointments, started laser hair removal treatments, and have a scheduled appointment with a new orthopedist to get my knee surgery underway.

Food finds - Skinny Cow Heavenly Crisp bars. Unfortunately, they're way too good and they're gone. I will try them again, but if they get gone in one day again, they won't darken my door after that. I also purchased ready made mashed potatoes and divvied them up into individual servings to have with root veggies in my typical cooks, mash, and hand blender them to death. I figure as long as I keep eating that combo, might as well have the potatoes on hand. I originally cooked potatoes with cauliflower or broccoli and mashed that, but have been experimenting with leftover mashed potatoes and one of the WW members Tuesday suggested buying Green Giant broccoli and cheese and mashing that with the potatoes. She was right. That was really good! That doesn't mean I'll stop doing homemade items, but having the pre-prepared foods on hand will keep me from flubbing up on days I don't feel like it.

And there you have it. Life is pretty good right now.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Back back and back again

Oh, who the hell knows how or why David Hasselhof ended up on my blog? But there he is and I am taking as a sign that I'm doing a-okay. Ick. I gained a pound or three while gone and now it's time to take them off. Maybe David Fucking OhMyGodWhatADork Hasselfhof can help. Gag.

The main thing is that I am doing a great job of getting back to my non vacation self. I am not smoking. I am eating properly. I'm not being lazy (a precursor to exercise!). I made my reservation for Phoenix in June, Winnie's coming here in January, and that gives a couple of things to look forward to (not that I don't look forward to every single day!).

Anyway, kick it bitches. Back to the amazing trip of a lifetime toward and through health!

Sunday, October 30, 2011


I'll be returning home and to Tuesday WW meetings next week. I'm actually flying on Tuesday, but the following Tuesday, I'll be back to my 'slow and steady wins the race' progress. I'm looking forward to the puzzle of each day putting together the right foods in the right quantities with the right amount of exercise and sleep.

I have other tasks to accomplish when I get home. I have to re-join the Rec Center, sort out the orthopedist issue (mine has left town), go to the dermatology office for laser hair removal (finally!), follow up with my oral surgeon (things are healing), and in general, get back into life and hope to live it less on the couch than off.

I'm the turtle - and my eventually is every day that I wake up and see the sun. Still fat....for now.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Not feeling so great

I've had a wee touch of not feeling so pretty good the last three days. Don't know where I got it and don't care, but this morning, I woke up and said "three days is enough." We went out to breakfast and then Winnie took me to an urgent care center. My primary symptom is a sore throat. A really sore throat. I think there has been a bit of fever involved, but nothing to speak of. I had a little cough, but that's passed. Lastly, I've been really tired. The strep test was negative, but the doctor said that happens all the time and that she was going to treat me anyway. (I was there to get antibiotics, ya know?) So, I've had a medical adventure in Phoenix. Not what I was looking for, but hey, every day is a fun adventure, right?

I haven't counted points the last two days either. I think I'm doing okay based on not eating as much or as often. I took some of the erythromycin and some Claritin and will be feeling fine soon, so tomorrow, I'll be more into the keeping track of this and that.

And so it goes. The cycle of life and the bitch that yields the whip go on whether you want them to or not.

Still fat, but soon to feel better.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

A day of frosty goodness!

No, I did not have a Frosty, but I do like to deem something "frosty goodness" when it severely rocks. Today didn't severely rock, but in comparison to yesterday it did. Let's review, shall we?

Yesterday was my off day and we won't even talk about what I had for points. I did have chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes and some peppery gravy, but I did not finish the portion of either. I counted all daily points plus 7 for the week for Tuesday, as I always do. Though I ate crap and maybe a bit more than I normally do, I didn't go berserk. That is frosty goodness.

Today, I ate right on target, including a pork loin and yellow potatoes cooked in the crock pot and a side of broccoli. We even had ice cream for a nighttime snack, and I did not exceed my points. Again, frosty goodness!

Lastly, yesterday, I did something to my right leg/knee and it was gruesome. I'd even say the pain was excruciating and the polar opposite of frosty goodness. I got up at 6 a.m. this morning to see how it was and to let Winnie know if I thought I needed to be seen at the ER. I was able to hobble a whole lot better this morning. Satisfied that I didn't need a doctor and x-rays  and stuff (which, of course, I perseverated about all night), I went back to sleep (still in the recliner) and got up a few hours later because 6 a.m. is an obscene hour for anyone to be awake! My knee/leg was still sore, but better still. I made coffee and breakfast and worked at the kitchen table for a bit. When I got up from the chair in there, it was not fun. I moved back into the living room and into my friend, the recliner, and the up and down wasn't nearly as painful. In fact, as I stood and moved while cooking dinner, it got considerably better still. I took it easy, got my work done, and did a fair amount of stretching. Tonight, it was not fine, but better enough to deem it frosty goodness.

I'm on track, I'm healing this stupid leg thing, and all is well. The hot is not as hot as it was and Craig Ferguson is about to come on. What more could a girl ask for?

I've got plans for tomorrow - take it easy and heal some more, and plan my Friday yard sale map. I've got chicken on the brain, so I'll see what I can come up with to that end.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Double woe is me!

Woe number 1: Yesterday was meeting day. Without going into 100 details that don't make sense to anyone but me, no one would take my hours at work and I was unable to attend. I decided that it was okay. You're allowed to miss one meeting. So, I had my day off and am back on the wagon today. I also made sure I'm not working next Tuesday and I will definitely go then.

Woe number 2:  At some point late yesterday afternoon, after my shower and after I picked Winnie up from work, I did something to my right knee (the supposed good one). I have no idea what I did, but it hurt like bloody hell in the areas marked. I literally had to use my cane to get to the bathroom. I only brought the damned thing in case I needed it in airports. I was in hollering "fuck fuck fuck" mode every time I had to walk. At one point, I was sitting in the kitchen minding my own business, and here comes my crazy sister around the corner dancing like a frickin leprechaun, laughing up a storm. Cracks me up. We are such weirdos! It was her way of saying "ha ha, look what I can do that you can't." Remember, I'm 56 and she's 61. Behavior of the mature? NOT Anyway, I took ibuprofen and it didn't touch it. In another couple of hours, I took some Percocet and was able to get to sleep. I got up at 6 a.m. this morning while she was still here as I was having visions of the ER all night long. I can walk better today. Whatever I did is not yet gone, but it's better. Whew. I have too many things to do while I'm in Phoenix. I will not be a fucking invalid. Enough of that.

Today is slated to be a good day. Eat well, work hard, and let my knee rest. Still fat!

Monday, October 17, 2011

This morning is brought to you by the number....

6. Yes, 6. Six is the number of times I walked back and forth on the patio. That's one more than last time. I shall shoot for 7 tomorrow or Wednesday. Tomorrow is WW day. Eeep.

Today, I watch my intake. Oh yes I do. How many laps did you take on your exercise ride?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Greek schmeek

A map of Greece. Who knew their food rocked so much? I finally used up the rest of my weekly allowance going out to a Greek restaurant today as well as a blood sugar low (grrrrr). Let's start with that, shall we?

I had a good breakfast and decided to eat light for lunch since I knew we were going out to eat tonight. I had a Trader Joe's brownie bar, but apparently that wasn't enough. About an hour later, I got the telltale sweats and shaking, and when I stood up, I was light headed. Yup, a low. I grabbed a couple cereal bars, got the BS back under control, and then headed for my tracker on line to write the bars in for today. Still not too bad.

We went to a Greek restaurant and the group decided on appetizers. I saw that they had cucumbers on the menu, so I got those thinking if I ate hummus, I'd eat it with the cucumbers rather than the pita that I was sure would be served. I did just that! I did take 1/4 of a pita and ate that in small bites with the hummus. Success. Then came the moussaka and man, it was good. I took the red sauce off the top as I really didn't like it with the eggplant/beef taste. At one point, I dug out the potatoes that were in this particular recipe and finished up the serving. I did not eat the sides.

The dessert menu was amazing. We all decided to get something. I opted for custard a la mode and it was excellent. I've had better, but this was way up there.

We got back to Winnie's place and I added it all up. As mentioned above, it took my points for the day that I had saved and also the remainder of my weekly. It was well worth it! I'll be careful for the remainder of my week and that's the way it goes!

On a side note, my dog apparently went a bit nuts today, going behind the loveseat, taking down curtains, jumping up on the kitchen counter and knocking things down and then jumping up on the table and knocking more things down. Earlier, she had intruded on Allison taking a shower. As it turns out, the UPS guy delivered a package while Allison was showering. Was the dog telling her that? Winnie suggested that maybe there was another robber on the property, specifically the back deck, and the dog was merely doing her job, trying to get to them. That would make sense except for the mess made on our table. I'll talk to Richard about it tomorrow, but the potential burglar sounds logical to me. Regardless, I hope the old girl is okay.

Overall, it was a successful day. I will work hard to make many more as successful as I can.

Still fat.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Eye opener and today's anti fat plans

Makes you think, don't it? That came in my Graph Jam email today and it was like, whoa! It was entitled "Eat ALL the Vegetables, Sistah!" and it definitely caught my eye. Eeep!

Plan for today has included a very good breakfast (egg salad on country white bread), a small snack (Trader Joe's brownie bar), and we're going out for dinner. I have 20ish points left, so if I make good choices for dinner, I'm right on track. 

I needed to get my own attention and put my eating in check, and that has been done. I'm still fat, but I have a good feeling!

Where's my mojo?

I'm on "vacation" sort of. I'm not home. I'm in Phoenix and visiting Winnie, working, yard saling, and vegging out. I went to a WW meeting on Tuesday and had gone up 1.6 pounds. I decided to set a goal to lose 5 pounds while I'm out here and have been tracking every bite. Tuesday is weigh day and I have about 10 weekly points left. That's unusual for me. I usually don't use quite that many weekly point. Food has been calling me very loudly and I'm not being careful about when I eat. I have been here since Monday and really have been doing an okay job of what I'm eating. I don't mean to say I've thrown caution completely to the wind, but it's close. I picked up good foods and snacks to eat and plan on continuing to eat them. I intro'd Winnie to cauliflower and mashed potatoes. We had that with a porterhouse steak that was totally trimmed and cut up in tiny pieces and stir fried. Anyway.... I'm still fat and really need to be cautious not to let this get away from me.

Full disclosure.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Shrinking Wordle.

Here's a Wordle for ya. It's a composite of the blog and other than the fact that I can't find "still fat" on it, it looks pretty good!

Boston Market, is there anything they can't do?

I had a pretty good WW day. It was very formal planning for breakfast and lunch (strawberries and Havarti cheese rules!) and then I ended up needing to run an errand around dinnertime. I knew that I was going to have a blood sugar low if I didn't have something 'carby' fairly soon, so I grabbed a leftover Boston Market cornbread to have on the road.

When I got back, it was 8:15, so I decided to have another leftover - the sweet potatoes! This stuff is like sweet potato pie without a crust. I had plenty of points left for the day, so I wasn't "cheating." Amazing and delicious and a tiny bit nutritious (ha!).

My dinner plans had included stir fry steak and mashed cauliflower. Ooops, not even close. I'll make that tomorrow for sure.

Overall, I'm still fat and it's been a great day. A wee little walk, pretty good food compliance, and plenty of rest.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Walk some more, dammit!

I got out and walked the patio today. 10 laps. That was my goal. it's a tiny one, but if I don't do it, I may as well just throw my hands up and say "fuckit."

10 tiny laps. 5 backs and forths. God, think about that. There's no distance at all involved there, but the last 4 were a challenge. I bet I can do this again tonight or this afternoon if it's not too hot and if not then, definitely in the morning. It's supposed to be 100° at some point today. It's not there yet, so this was a good time to get out.

This fucking fat on my body is like a noose around my neck. If I keep it, it will surely kill me. If I let it continue to grow, it will certainly choke me out. I'm not ready for that, so I will walk.

On the road

I flew to Phoenix on Monday, and boy are my arms tired. Okay, old joke. Not even a particularly good joke. But, that's not why you came. I had a few days before travel of angst and anticipation, and I probably didn't follow the program as well as I could have. I paid attention to what I was eating, but threw caution to the wind a few times. On Monday, I did eat a proper breakfast and what they served on the plane for lunch, and then Winnie and I had some spaghetti for dinner. My mouth is still not 100%, so I've been cautious about how I eat and what texture the foods have, but that doesn't mean I should have had that coffee ice cream for dessert. Eh.

I'm in Phoenix until November 1 and my long term goal as far as weight goes is to lose 5 pounds while I'm here. It's a doable goal. Toward that end, I attended Weight Watchers here today. Interestingly, the Williamsburg office is much more advanced than the Phoenix regional office! I don't carry my monthly pass with me and therefore, as they are sans computer systems, I had to discuss coming in and offered to pay, etc., but they did see that I was an active member by looking at my old monthly pass and my weigh in card. I weighed and had gained 1.6 pounds. I'm not 100% distraught by that. I'm not pleased, but it's what I expected. It's actually better than I expected and considering my lack of attention to detail leading up to today, it's all good. The leader was a bit perky for my liking, but it was okay.

We talked about making your home Weight Watchers friendly and I got to talk about Hurricane Irene causing our refrigerator and freezer food to go bad, so it was a clean slate for me. When I was asked how long we were out of power, I said "only four days." The room went "GASP" all at once and the leader said, "ONLY four days?" They don't get hurricanes in Phoenix!

After the meeting, I went to the Sprint store to figure out what's up with my phone. I had to leave it and return in a couple hours. Trader Joe's is right next door, so I bought some sandwich makings, coffee, polenta, and some fruits and veggies, and headed back home. I was so tired from travel that I really would have liked a nap, but my trusty alarm clock (my phone!) was not with me. Argh. I went back after a while, got the phone, picked up Winnie, and we grabbed some Boston Market for dinner. Not bad.

Now it's late and I'm pooped. I'm very proud of myself for going to the meeting. I'm also pleased that my weight gain was minimal. I have good foods and a beautiful surrounding to enjoy for the next few weeks, and so, though I'm still fat, here I am singing my praises.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Weigh In

That there is 11 exclamation points. That's about how many I felt after weigh in. Why? I'm down a total of 11 pounds. I got my second 5-pound star. This is after a week of having had oral surgery and still not able to eat mechanically well, having a couple of days of primarily ice cream, and very little exercise. Why? Because I'm still eating less than I once was and I'm paying attention to exactly what's going in me. I've had beans, potatoes, pasta, and other very soft foods. I've tracked 5 out of 7 days. I've not gotten the best sleep of my life, sleeping in the recliner as I am, but that will improve soon. The bottom line is that I'm still obsessed and I'm still working Weight Watchers to beat the band. I have a meeting location in Phoenix and plan on attending on Tuesdays so I keep my same weigh-in day. I told the leader and my weigh-in lady that I'm not quitting, but will be attending out of town. I just feel good and am right proud of myself to tell the truth. 

There was a woman today who announced her 50-pound weight loss as of this week. I silently said "I'm 1/5th of the way there!" while applauding her success. 

I am not some kind of crazy evangelist, but I do like going to the meetings. I told Richard today that I'm not sure if it's because time goes by faster now, but waiting till Tuesday to have a "forbidden" item was no big deal anymore. I also discussed with him that my motivation is quite different at the moment - age and my knee are huge motivators. I don't have youth on my side nor the never-ending resilience that I once had. I also have a 100K knee that I need to take care of and treat with kid gloves so that I can use it properly and get another one to match it. By age 58, I hope to be as active as I ever was with a good center of gravity and balance. 

Overall, I felt damned giddy earlier. I'm still fat; there's no doubt about that. I'm dealing with it, one mini step at a time and each mini step is a huge accomplishment.

Monday, October 3, 2011


Well, I think I've been sticking to WW this week. I have been counting points the past two days, but Thursday and Friday, I simply put in the maximum amount for the day. I was on ice cream and yogurt pretty much. Friday, I had a cheese open face sandwich, but that didn't work too well.

Thursday, I had a chunk of tissue removed from the roof of my mouth and grafted to the lower gum in the front center to provide structure and prolong the life of my front teeth on the bottom. I've always had a "long" tooth, but recently, I've had a few problems with the tissue between the lip and gum at that tooth. I had it lasered a while back, but that grew back. So, this was the next step. I have stitches in the roof of my mouth and the front of my mouth and some of them are trussed around teeth on the bottom, so it's like chicken between my teeth.

Yesterday, I cooked some high fiber pasta and used a bit of spaghetti sauce and today, I had some fish and the center of some pierogies (the outer part was too crunchy). I'm not allowed to take a bite out of something like having a sandwich, but I can bite things and eat them on the side in the back. When the roof of my mouth heals, I will have a little more freedom. I suspect it will be a while before I eat normally again.

I've tried to keep up with fruits (canned) and some healthier fare, especially today. This morning, I made some French toast and ate all but the crust. Little bites. I may do that again tomorrow. I have a can of beans that I might do something with tomorrow too.

While I'm whining, I'm sleeping in the recliner right now because I can't sleep with my face on the pillow for a while. The only time there is pain is when I press on the lower part of my mouth, so I avoid that at all costs right now. I have Vicodin, but I don't need it. I took ibuprofen the first day. What a trooper.

So, I've kept Weight Watchers in mind, but the first two days, I kept ice cream in mind more. I have a couple yogurts left and when they're gone, I'll get more. That's a good complement with the canned fruit. I may stop by Harry and David's and get a couple juicy pears that I can eat with a spoon. Potatoes and veggie mashes are on tap as well.

I have no clue whether I will have lost weight when I go in Tuesday or not, but I know I've given it my college try. I have weight to lose and I'm doing it. If this is a stall, it'll be a minor temporary stall for sure.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

And just like that, it's Wednesday

I'm pretty proud of my 4.2 pounds at yesterday's weigh in, but now it's time to work towards a 1 or 2 pound loss for the next weigh in without letting my pride turn into false confidence. This losing weight thing is ongoing and one success does not the long term goal make. It sure contributes to it, but it is not the ultimate goal.

What is the ultimate goal? I'm not sure yet. I do know that my short term goal is to get through three days. Today is one of those days. And guess what, I'm making that goal today. Tomorrow should be a fairly simple day to accomplish a 'perfect' day because my mouth will be out of commission. I am having oral surgery and will have an egg sandwich with gouda before I leave, but after that, I doubt I'll be eating much tomorrow. Friday is an unknown too. I did buy soft things to eat that aren't super seasoned, so I'm set up to make it with a sore mouth, but until I know the extend of the incision and grafting, I can't plan for sure. Yogurt and watermelon and feta sound good, though, and I have plenty of that. Tomorrow also will be a pain pill day and lots of sleep, I hope. I am hoping for the best.

When I visit my regular doctor next week, I shall do so with my head held high. He said 'join Weight Watchers' and I did. He said 'you know it's behavioral and you're the only one who can make a difference' and he was correct.

I'm not accustomed to being in such a good space - clear mammogram, clear biopsy for the growth on my nose, and losing weight while enjoying amazing foods - and I do enjoy it. For the short term, I'll shoot for a good day every day. For the long term - I'll plan on that a bit later. I do know this, I want to walk in the woods with the dog. I know I can do that. Yep, I can.

So, I'm proud as a peacock, but not so proud as to get cocky and blow it all over one small success. Magnitude is built. I'm building.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Fuckin A!

I aimed for 3 perfect days. Then I aimed for 4. I decided to try not to use the weekly points, but did end up using all but 14 of them. Then I aimed for 5 and 6 days. And lookie there. Today was weigh day and I am down 4.2. I did that. Not anyone else. Just me. I stuck to it and made it work.

Okay, 4.2 isn't magnificent, but it is to me. It's part 3 of a good news run - a clean mammogram, no skin cancer on my nose, and now I've shown my stuff by sticking to it.

Thursday, I get my mouth whacked, so I purchased foods today that will work with a sore mouth and still be on program. I'm not scared or concerned. I want, though, to go 3 days perfectly on program again this week. That's my personal challenge. Should I take it to another length, then good for me.

I will be the incredible shrinking me if it kills me.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Twas the night before weigh in

....and all through the house
Not a creature was munching
But they sure wished they were!

I'd rather keep shrinking, to tell the truth. I hate the belly roll in the pictures from May. I want those gone. But I know I'm doing something right. My capris today fit better and they're one size smaller than the ones I usually wear (like the ones in this picture). I want all of my clothes to fall off. I want to have to take everything in. I want to keep my center of focus and obsession and make this work for me, once and for all, finally and forever.

Today's been a good day. I did go to the Fresh Market and picked up some stuff to go with other foods. I went across the street to Trader Joe's for muffins and polenta. I came home and cut up chicken and gouda and put hard boiled eggs together with a salad from Wendy's. I still say for $1.50, their salad is the best base for other foods! I opened my French dressing and measured out a smidgen and ate a huge salad that was amazing and less than 9 points.

The other good thing that happened today is two-fold - 1) The thing I had removed from my nose last week is noncancerous. I do not need to have further surgery. 2) While I was at the derm office, I prepaid for 8 visits for laser hair removal (they are having a special), and when I return from Phoenix, I'll have my full body scan and start my laser treatments. Time for me to feel good about other parts of me too, don't you think?

My Weight Watchers meeting is in the morning. I have my bag of food for the food drive ready to go. I have my body in check. I've had 6 "perfect" days and can't believe I made it 6 days. I have 14 weekly points that are going to go to waste and that's okay with me. The upcoming week may have some challenges due to the oral surgery on Thursday, but I am hoping that will only make it easier not to overeat.

I will not overeat tonight. I am done. Still fat.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Not all about me today, just a little bit

Today would be my mom's 88th birthday and is my sister's 50th birthday. Happy birthday to both of them. My mom died in 1994, so she doesn't get to see her youngest hit the 50s! Geeze, the baby sister is no longer a whipper snapper.

This is a picture of my mom when she was either a late teen or early 20s in her Austrian garb. She had that come hither look and all me and my kids inherited that nose. They say when I'm thin, I am her spitting image. We'll have to see, right?

Today was day 5 of perfect points. I slept way too late today and that made it a bit easier to not front load the day with heavy eating. We had dinner relatively late, so I'm not fighting munchy demons tonight. I'm still fat, but I don't hate myself as much as I usually do today. I will be feeling bigger progress in the weeks ahead.

I have oral surgery planned for Thursday, so I need to get my act in gear and go shopping. I think the Fresh Market is on my list tomorrow since I'll be over that way seeing the dermatologist for a followup. Fruits and soft things will be on the list. I think I'm going to pick up some couscous again too. Maybe some sushi for lunch, but that's tomorrow. I have a while to wait for all of that to happen.

So again, happy birthday, Inge. You are missed.